Is Love Possible?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Is Love Possible?
3
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 12:06pm

I have been talking with this great man for 4 weeks of non-stop daily. We met through the phone, his sister is my co-worker, who thought we would be great for each other, which she was right. He lives in WA and I in CA. We really liked each other from the beginning and now we both agree that our feelings for each other could be love, but we aren't sure yet. We have talked about everything and marriage and love have been topics on several occassion. Is it possible to actually fall in love with a person without haven't physically seeing them? I'm not sure, but I think it's like there is a missing piece to the puzzle of LOVE.

I have 10 days before we finally meet and after that I will flying in 10 days to see him and friends and family that are all expecting and excited to see me. I am a little freaked out because this is so out of the norm and I don't want to rush into anything, but somehow it feels good and ok, but according to the "relationship status-quo" it may be too soon, and we haven't even met. I guess I am just a little freaked out. I really do see myself with him and I'm not complaining it's just that I want to make sure my feelings and situation is normal and okay. I personally haven't experienced or met anyone that has fallen in love with someone without physically meeting them. I tell my friends and they think it's impossible, but I have a voice in my head saying they are wrong, it is possible, but "how" is my question.

I have to say that once I see him, I think that if it is the real deal then I will fall in love instantly once we set eyes on each other, otherwise it could have all been an illusion. That is one of my biggest fears, is not falling in love with him. Yet, I feel that I already am starting to, but something isn't complete. I think I do, but can it all be just an illusion because how can someone fall in love without physically laying eyes on that person, feeling, smelling, and sensing the presence? How???

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 12:23pm

I think you could well be on your way to loving him. But I think you're right in thinking that something is definitely missing. Not only do you need to see him physically but you need to be around him for awhile to see how he acts (and reacts) to people/situations in day to day life. He might treat you like queen bee on the phone (and soon in person), but what will you do if he treats other people like crap? If he yells at waitresses/ is rude to his siblings/ treats strangers like trash? Not that this is the case, but it could be. And a few days could well bring out all these "little things" that cant be conveyed over the phone. But when you can see him and hold him and find out how great he is in person, you may well be completely head over heels in love with him by the time that you leave to go back home.

Enjoy your trip!!

from Sarah- purplepolowraps

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 12:33pm

My two cents. SLOW DOWN BIG TIME!!!!

I went thru the EXACT same thing as you did. Although the guy I'd talk to, I was talking to for about 1.5 years before I met him. We just talked as friends, and slowly fell in love. Same with you, how do you love someone you've never met? So you said, "i don't love you, but I will know when I meet you."

The moment he and I saw each other, and said hello, we knew our love was for real. But the problem is and was..........who he was on the phone, wasn't completely who he was in real life. He was more sensitive to my jokes, more sensitive to the things I'd make comments about. More sensitive to me. Oh, we got along great, we loved being with one another, we just meshed perfectly on all levels.

Except, we had a lot of issues. A big one, was that we were very immature. He assumed I was like this, when I truly wasn't. He'd take offesne to my personality in weird ways, I'd get uspet with him, etc.

My two cents. If/when you go. And you feel that you are in love. Don't make promises about the future, about marriage. Instead of living in tomorrow, living in your dreams of your life together, LIVE YOUR LIFE NOW. If you feel he's a great catch, where are you going to live? If you choose to move there, or him to CA, then do it. But don't move in with each other. Help them find a place, a job. But don't make them your entire life. Do the long distance r'ship thing, but realize. For every 4-5 months in LDR terms, it's about 1 month IRL terms.

I alawys tell ppl who are in LDR's, when you visit, it's not real life. Because he's making time for you, or you for him. You take time off from work to be with each other. you can't truly "just go home" if you fight. You can't just stay away. You don't have friends there to hang out with, separately. It's fake. IT's like you're on vacation. So, if you do the LDR for awhile, take thigns SLOW and realize that during a LDR, it'll take MUCH MORE time to really truly get to know the person. The man on the phone, isn't the man he is.

For all you know, if say, you move there, he intends to spend every other day with his buddies, w/o you. And what if you hate that? what if every weekend, he has a set date with his buddies to go golfing, and you HATE golf? and he's therefore, gone from early AM, to early PM? could you deal with that? would you expect him to change that?

So, just be real...and realize that what you've had so far, is fake. I'm not saying what you're feeling isnt' real, but the person you know, isn't the person he is....not yet. The man you will visit, is a man on vacation. Not a man at work. What if he stresses daily from work, and if you live with him, he takes it out on you? And lastly, I know you feel in love, but don't get married, stop talking about marriage. In fact, put marriage on hold for at least another 9 months.

Don't put the cart before the horse. you haven't even met the guy. he could have some REALLY bad habits you absolutely hate. and if he doesn't, and things are perfect. realize, that it's still not real life, and you need to remember that every step of the way. hugs.

I made the HUGE mistake of living life in the future, in our future plans, instead of living in the here and now. i made the mistake of thinking the man i fell in love with over the phone was the same man he'd be in real life. i made the mistake of marrying him, thinking that's what we'd do anyways, even though I didn't live there with him. and i had to make the big decision to divorce.

good luck. just be real, and don't live in a fantasy world, and things can work out. but so far, i see you living in a fantasy world of infatuation. and meeting him won't make it real all of a sudden. It'll push you further into a fantasy world. And that is what you have to watch out for. and make sure things are "real".

ETA: I only say all this, because you sound EXACTLY like I did, before I went to go see my xh. And I know how my r'ship went, cuz I was "oh so in love" esp after meeting him. Life was perfect. Or so I pretended it to be. Things could work out perfectly for you, and I hope they do, but I'm just showing you what also, can happen, if you live in a fantasy world of infatuation and love.




Edited 7/26/2005 12:35 pm ET ET by pineapple_girl

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 8:31am

Listen to Pineapple Girl on this one and slow down. Those great feeligns are real and they can REALLY cloud your judgement and cause you to leap ahead. Keep listening to that little voice in your head that is saying that you're missing a piece of the puzzle and wait until you get it to decide if this is "real" or not.

Like Pineapple pointed out you need a lot more face time with this guy to know if you're really compatible or not. Being compatibale on the phone doesn't count, not even a little. You need time with in him alive and in person in the real world and in the real circumstances you'll to share with him if the two of you become a couple.

That's not to say that what you are feelign isn't love, but the love you are feeling may be for a person who doens't actually exist. Wait until you have a chanceto meet the live in person him before you decide.