Is this meant to be..

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Is this meant to be..
2
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 7:05pm

hi..

i would love some inputs on my situation because it is bothering me each minute.
i neither feel totally sure nor totally unsure about this relationship.

it has only been 5 months since we have known each other...and for some it's too early to decide, and for some it's not. but i feel that i should have reached some conclusion by now, as to whether i want this r not!

he has been a good boyfriend overall. but the problem is i dont feel like i am "in love" with him. perhaps it will come slowly as i know him more? i am finding myself getting irritated with things he says or does, or doesn't do. i keep getting offended with something or the other. is it me, or is it him? that's creating this. i have just been so overly sensitive to his comments.

additioinally, he keeps hinting at marriage, whereas i am just not sure!

i m unable to think of breaking up, because we do make a good couple in many respects, yet, when we r together, i feel like there's something missing.

is it too early to decide?
should i take my time deciding and get to know "us" better a few more months, before taking a decision.

or are these signs that it's just not meant to be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 9:34pm

Maze,

I read what you said... all I have to say in response is for you to take your time and be sure. If he's pushing you or if he is making assumptions or jumping to conclusions or being a jerk about you not being sure --- make him wait still.

You want a guy because YOU want him, not just because he seems to want you.

Give it more time than just 5 months.... take your time. Remember, it's your life and your future. Just because he's creating this doesn't mean you have to go along with it.

Elyse

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 7:58am

In my opinion, it sounds like you are trying to talk yourself into liking this guy or being in love with him because he has feelings for you.

That's not a good enough reason to love someone in my book. In life you'll be in relationships where you love someone and they don't love you and some, like this one, where someone loves you and you don't love them. It happens. It doesn't mean anyway is a bad guy or anything it's just how it works.

My advice would be give some serious thought to why you're having to think about this so much. I know it sounds funny, but why are you so unsure? Are you unsure because you're afraid of commitment and being hurt? Are you unsure because you aren't sure he's the right guy for you? If so, why do you think he might not be right for you? Are those legitimate reasons?

And here's an eye opener, ANY reason you have for not being all that into a guy is a LEGITIMATE reason. You don't have to love, or even like, ever guy who is nice and cares about you. Sometimes soemthing is just missing or off and you can't put your finger on it, but that doesn't mean that feeling in the pit of your stomach telling you to bail isn't a legitimate reason to do just that.

Personally, if I were you I'd bail. You've given it a chance, five months is long enough to know that something just isn't right. Stop beating yourself up for not liking him as much as he likes you. You aren't a bad person for not returning his feelings. Trying to force yourself to return his feelings just drags it out that much longer for both of you and is actually much less fair and kind to him than just admitting the truth... You're just no that into him.

Put away the pro and con list of reasons that you "should" love him. "Should" has nothing to do with it. You don't. Admit it and move on.