I did it.....but now confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
I did it.....but now confused
3
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 1:49pm
Thank you for all your help with my last question about my bf/ex-fiance wanting too much freedom. I want you to know that I took your advice and I called him last night and told him that it was over and that I wish the best for him. He had no comments when I was telling him this so I thought well, this is what he wanted. However, I was seriously confused when he told me that he loved me when I let him go. Then a few hours later, he called to TALK! (and he couldn't have called the past four nights when I was expecting to hear from him). What is his deal. He was acting as if nothing had happened a few hours ago. He was asking me what I was doing this weekend and about my week, ect. What is going on here. I love him so much but I'm not happy with the relationship because he doesn't ever want to see me anymore. Why is he doing this? After we talked for say ten minutes, he said he was about to go to sleep and he would talk to me later. And then he said I love you AGAIN when he was letting me go. I know that you said he got cold feet and couldn't face up to it, but what is he doing now? I let him out of it the easy way and he comes right back. What do you think I should do. Please help me out again on this one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 1:57pm

It sounds like a couple of things. Either he doesn't like being the one dumped, so in his head, you didn't dump him, but he WILL hurt and then dump you later.

or

He likes the chase. and when you were there for him all the time, he didn't give a damn, but now that you don't want him, he's all there (you know, what's what he can't have).

or

he is used to you saying it's over, and him going back (is that normal?).

Hugs. I would make sure you don't answer the calls, be cold. My x did this to me. I would flat out say, "you do realize i'm not your gf so you don't have the right to tell me you love me, nor do you have the right to call me up just to chat and ACT like we're still together" or, I just hang up on them. It hurts that they do this. So, for me, I just use my anger and frustration to get him out of my life. And usually that means I'm mean to him, and refuse his calls, ignore him, hang up on him if he calls, tell him to F off, etc.

Maybe someone else has some good ideas.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 2:56pm

Here's my two pesos:

He sounds very arrogant. You told him it was over, but he isn't respecting you enough to back off and leave you alone. It sounds like he's messing with your head to see what you'll do in return.

My advice?

Show him that you meant what you said.

If it's really over, cut him off and move on.

All the best,
Heymum

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 5:05pm

I agree...it sounds like he's pulling the "it's not over until *I* say it's over" attitude.

Sheri