AM I BEING STUPID?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
AM I BEING STUPID?
6
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 3:06pm

Hmm well here's my story. Be free to give me any kind of opinion.. Good or bad, it doesn't matter.. i really need to hear what u guys think..

I've been with this guy for 6 months now. I truly and deeply care for him but i'm starting to believe differently. He's so different from any other guy i dated. He's very sensative and imature at times and i'm just not used to that. We argue a lot and it's not even about important things, and then the next day we're cool again. What i feel towards him is crazy.. i never had this feeling b4, but does he really care or am i just blinded and letting my feelings take over?

We argue like almost every other day and that lasts for about a week.. and then everything goes so perfect for about 2 monhs and it starts all over again.. like i said about apsolutely nothing.. my friends tell me i should break up with him but it's just not so easy.. they dont understand me at all.. they tell me how he's controling me by making me feel like i'm going to loose him so even when i'm mad at him i can't really be mad at him.. it sounds very confusing i know.. one of my friends think he's just messing around with me but i trully doubt that.. maybe i'm too blind to see.. but he's always there and he always tells me houw much i mean to him.. things like that.. he even talks to my friends about me and how what we have is special even though it gets really hard sometimes, he still doesn't want to let me go.. and he's so different.. one of them good guys type.. except his imaturity causes him to hurt me in some ways..

Well also there's this ex of his that i cant stand.. she stole my bf once and flirted with every guy i ever liked.. he really loved her i know that cuz he used to tell me b4 we were together.. she's a little hoochie so she tried to get him back.. she calls him at times and i hate it.. just last night she called him and he told me.. he said all she did was ask how he was and things like that.. but do u blame me for acting this way? i wanted to confront her but he said i shouldn't bother because he says she means nothing to him anymore .. he knows about my past with her and he says that she'll never get him back how she hurt him and he's happy with me.. SHOULD i BELIEVE THAT?

One more thing.. when we argue it would usualy be him getting mad at me.. and i dont like the fact that he's mad so i talk to him and be all cool about it..my friends say that he has an upperhand in this relationship and that i'm just being stupid.. =

- love, kuri0us

Edited 7/29/2005 3:32 pm ET ET by kuri0us

Edited 7/29/2005 3:33 pm ET ET by kuri0us




Edited 7/29/2005 3:33 pm ET ET by kuri0us
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 3:51pm

Based upon what you wrote, I'm siding with your friends on this one.

Look, just because you love the guy and care deeply about him doesn't mean he's good for you. You talk about your feelings for him in a positive light, but then when it comes to his BEHAVIOR, it's mostly negative.

Stop for a minute and think about the kind of guy you want and the kind of relationship you want. How closely does he fit the description of the kind of guy you desire? If you admit to wanting a man who is immature, so much to the point that his immaturity causes you pain at times, then he's your guy. If you want a guy who is, by your own definition, very argumentative over things that don't really matter (at least to you anyway), then he's your guy. If you want a man who involves himself with other women whom he knows get under your skin and then tells you about it, he's your guy.

Be confused no more. Dump the guy.

Don't you think you deserve better?

Heymum

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 7:00am

kuri0us...

PG has one question for you....and please give your answer some serious thought:

"WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH A MAN...WHOM YOU ARGUE WITH CONSTANTLY?"

Forget about the fact that the gentleman is different from anybody you've previously dated. Also forget about his EX----whom you obviously don't like one bit!!!

If the 2 of you AREN'T getting along and have "weeklong periods of separation"---why waste so much time in a relationship that's nothing more than a shouting match?

Just out of curiosity, what was the average length of YOUR previous relationships before they ended in a break-up? And was is YOU who ended things...or the men you were dating? The answer to this could reveal a lot about the types of men you've chosen to be with....as well as how long we can stand to BE WITH YOU?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 7:57am
your not being stupid at all. do me a favor & look in the mirror - do you like what you see, ask yourself if this is what you want. you can get all the advise in the world, your heart will be what tells you to go or not. life can be greener on the otherside. when my ex husband made me cry for the last time - i looked in the mirror & knew that wasnt me - it took me 6 months but i DID divorce him - its not what i wanted to do - it was what i HAD to do. its been 6 yrs since (i still miss him) but i like myself better. when your ready to leave you will. if you want him forever i wish for the best (i dont think my EX liked himself - so he tried to make me not like myself - I DONT THINK SO !!!)
I WAS BLINDED BIG TIME BY HIM - and the ex girlfriend thing - get that handled & out of here quick
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 4:16pm
You're not stupid, you're hopeful.
But you need to look at what you really want to feel when you're with someone you "care deeply" about. Do you want to feel good? Elated? Excited? Blessed? Or do you want to feel confused? Sad? Slighted? Uncared for? I think it's easy to see when it's put that way.
Don't let him waste any more of your time, really. That's what he's doing when he tells you about his ex- as if that's ok. That's what he's doing when he gets mad at you and then, somehow, makes it seem like it's your fault.
Stop chalking it up to his so-called "immaturity". Sounds to me like the immaturity is a convenient excuse for him to act like a boy who wants the privileges of a man. If he cared as much as you do, he'd move heaven and earth to make you feel it- and that includes changing his phone number to get rid of the hoochie homewrecker (even if he had to give 1,000 people the new number).
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2005
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 10:54am

Just a note about his ex still calling him. It's not his fault that she called him, so don't blame him for something she did. Instead of calling her and yelling at her about it, write an anonymous letter to her current boyfriend and tell him what she's doing.

Also you could ask your boyfriend why he doesn't just tell her not to call him anymore. Whatever his reason, ask him to do it the next time she calls him so that the two of you can have one less thing to argue about.

:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2005
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 5:29am
I think that he is a little manipulous that guy,if you two get too close each other he starts to argue with you.TRy to understand what kind of feelings you have with him,do you cry often,are you unhappy all the time and figure out if you really love him or you just want to have him.And this girl - the ex,he manipulates you again.He wants to be jelaous and have the fear that you may lose him.I think that this is not fair.Yes he tells that he doesn;t want her,but he doesn't act like that.Maybe he really doesn't want her,but he wants her to be around if something go wrong.Pay more attention what he does,not what he says....maybe he loves you but he doesn't know how to show you.You are not stupid of course,don't blame yourself.Sometimes it doesn't work,you love him.he loves you but it just doesn;t work....