Younger guy and confusion!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2005
Younger guy and confusion!
2
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 1:17pm

I started watching a local band perform who I've really become fond of. In the interim I've noticed an interest building between the lead guitarist and I. There is a 17 year age difference (which he doesn't know exactly)plus we lead different lifestyles being that he's in a band, in school (University!) and single, never married. I'm older, divorced and a professional single Mother of 3. We've chatted and seem to share an interest in each other. He acknowledges me a lot when I'm at his performances, by smiling and waving while performing and always approaching me and coming over to hang out. He's talked about his last girlfriend and being hurt by her and being too busy to date, which is understandable. He's asked me questions about my marital status and if I date certain people (specifically smokers). He often asks what I'm doing after the show too. I'm interested in getting to know him more, preferably away from his band venues and see what develops.

Last night I stayed after the show and we again chatted and he again asked what I was doing later, but he didn't ask for us to do anything. He seemed to be waffling about spending more time together or not following the show by asking me several times what I was doing, yet talking about being tired too. As I turned to leave he said "we should get together and hang out and spend some time together", I turned back to him and walked closer and told him that we'd need to plan that because we only see each other when I go to see the band perform. He then stated quite firmly "I don't date". I mentioned that I know he had been hurt in by his last girlfriend and that I would treat him nicely and he hugged me (again!) and talked about how busy he is and said "let's see what happens". He does have my cell # from the last time I saw him because he wanted to try and connect after his show, but didn't. I have not asked for his cell # and only contact him when necessary through his e-mail on the band's website.

I'm confused! He seems to be contradicting himself. With him being younger I'm a little nervous to be too straight forward because I don't want to scare him off, but on the other hand I really want to see if he is interested in at least getting to know me away from his perfomances to see what there is between us. I'm not to the point of defining what we are at all. I just want to get to know him better away from his performances! If "dating" makes him nervous, I'm just fine with "hanging out!"

Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated ~ thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 8:33pm
It seems he is interested in getting to know you more. He has been hurt but wants to keep things casual. If you are up for that and going along for a good time then go ahead and try to make plans when he isn't playing to get to know one another. Age and maturity is to different things. I believe people come for a reason, season, and lifetime. With that there may be a reason you two should get together if not for a lifetime. It to me atleast is worth seeing which of those it is for.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2005
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 9:13pm
I appreciate your comments and I will see how it goes when I see him next on 8/14! :0)