I let him go, now he won't stay away!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
I let him go, now he won't stay away!
2
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 12:24pm
I was out one night (about 9 months ago) just to have a good time w/ my girl friends. I was not looking for guys, or start any relationship w/ a guy. It just so happen I ran into someone I knew, we started talking and hit of off. We started dating and everything was great. We had the best time together no matter what we were doing. I am 28 with no kids (but want kids) and he is 26 with 2 kids and has had a vasectomy. He was going to move in w/ me b/c of situations where he was at (he was living w/ a relative). He ended up not moving in b/c his ex-wife would interefere w/ his decisions all the time. I was fine w/ him not moving in and continue to take things slow. Still after him not moving in, things were fine. He came to me one night out of the blue and told me that he could no longer be w/ me b/c he knows I want children and he can not give me that, and that it is not fair of him to lead me on when I want more than what he can give me. We discussed this for hours and hours, and he ended up leaving very upset and I just sat on my kitchen floor and cried. I ended up calling him telling him I couldn't let him walk away, I loved him too much and something is telling me we need to be together. He agreed so we were together approx. another month. We then decided it was for the best- we were only hurting ourselves by falling more in love and it was best to call it quits. He told me it would be different if I already had kids, etc. shoulda coulda woulda blah blah We remain friends to this day and we talk often and still make one another laugh. He helps me w/ guy problems, questions, etc. However, he now has what he wants, the girl already w/ kids, he has his kids, and I guess they are happy. BUT he is always texted messaging me, calling me, wanting me to meet him to talk, etc. I know I still have feelings for him, he is a great guy, and I know that if he was not w/ her I would be asking him to work things out. I've thought about artificial insemination, I've thought about adoption. Why couldn't he and I be together if these are options? I still care for him a great deal and truly would give it another try. Am I wrong in feeling this way, would it be best for me to lose contact w/ him all together? I am really confused, but like I said, I know we belong together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 2:03pm

When you were discussing kids, did you tell him that you're okay with adoption? Did you tell him you were okay with not having a child that was his? Did you even talk about a V reversal?

or was the talk ONLY about you and him having your own biological children w/o an reversal surgery?

I guess, I'm asking because I want to know what was discussed, versus what wasn't, and his replies and choices as of today.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 2:15pm
At that point and time we did not discuss anything but him getting a v-reversal. He said he had "already talked" to the dr. about it, and there was only a slim % chance it would work. We didn't talk about adoption until he came knocking on my door one night when I was dating someone else and that someone else was there, and he told me that he missed me, we made a mistake and he wanted to work things out. He was even crying when we were talking. I told him that I couldn't - that we walked away for a reason, HE then mentioned adoption, and I was taken aback b/c it was never mentioned before, and at that point and time I didn't take him seriously for some unknown reason. I really don't want to talk to him about now, b/c I do not want to interfere w/ the relationship he is in now. Even though HE does still call me and want to meet and "get together".