Should I get out of this???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2005
Should I get out of this???
2
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 5:13pm
I have been with the same man for 3 years, living with for a year and a half.
We are both 25 years old, educated and employed. He is a good person, does not do drugs, abuse booze (or myself) and doesn't chase other women. He makes me laugh and we share similar interests.
What we do not have is a similar work ethic, or a similar level of motivation. I own my own business and am VERY driven and focused on my career, which I love and have worked very hard to develop. I have a great passion for not just my work- but all of my interests. However, at this point in my life I am 25, half a million in debt and just getting to the point where my business is taking off. This is causing me long hours- but is also bringing me great joy!! It is what I've worked for for the past 8 years after all.
The BF does not share this joy and calls me selfish for caring about my job as much as I do. He does not enjoy anything to do with my line of work- so getting him to spend time with me while I'm working is a no-go. He does not enjoy my friends- or even my family I might add- so doing things in groups is tense. I'm not sure what to do. I have tried to have an open discussion w/ him and he is both angry and childish- and dismissive about my feelings!! I do, of course spend time with him away from work- and honestly- we fight more than we don't fight. He has again and again promised to grow up and change- and he hasn't! I would not like it if he wanted me to change for him- so I guess that I shouldn't expect him to change for me!!
FYI- He has a so-so job that he does not enjoy and does not pay well.... He hates it but hasn't done anything about it for the past 3 years. He barely makes enough to pay 1/2 the rent- we'll NEVER be able to improve our housing situation w/ his current salary. He refuses to get another part-time job because he won't give up his weekends sitting on the couch playing video games . I'm sorry to sound like such abitch but I'm really frustrated and sad..... What should I DO!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 5:37pm
It doesnt seem like this is a beneficial relationship for you. He isnt supportive of your job. It doesnt sound like he treats you well...
He doesnt have much ambitiion to improve his situation, because he has you.
what dose he do to enhance your life?
How does he show he cares?
What is keeping the two of you together?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 6:41pm

You two do not share the same values regarding money, job, nor home life.

Therefore, you should really think about what you want in life. Is this the life you want?

IMHO, you should get out, because there are some MAJOR red flags.

1. the fact that he does NOT share your passion for your business
2. The fact that he does not share your value regarding work/ambition
3. the fact that you two fight more often than not
4. the fact that he does not enjoy your friends
5. the fact that he does not enjoy your family
6. he is acting immaturely

So, let me ask you this, what again, do you love about this man? Since you are working long hours, I can't see that your home life, nor social life is very happy, since he's not willing to hang with you at work, with your friends, or family, etc. When do you guys have good times? Do you hae good times?

Hugs. I know it's not easy. But the big things are VALUES. you have very different values, and that is the MOST important thing that can hold a r'ship together.

~pineapple_girl