To Nick91171

Avatar for swan577
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
To Nick91171
1
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 12:43pm

Hi Nick,

I'm not sure if you remember me b/c it's been a while since I've posted. I just read the thread that you started titled, "I'm sorry I haven't been around much." I know that you wrote it back in May and I'm not certain if you'll get a chance to read this message to you but I just wanted to comment on what you said.

First of all, I really enjoyed reading your advice to posters. I would always look to see what kind of advice you had to offer. I remember when I use to post on "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?" more frequently, you and I would often give the same advice. (smile) In fact, if you had already responded to a post, sometimes I just didn't bother b/c you would had stated what I was going to state anyway. (smile)

I totally understand your need to take a break from the boards and I think that it's a very healthy thing to do. Like myself, you are a very caring person. You are confident in what you feel and in what you have to say to people. I know from personal experience how disheartening it can be when you see woman accepting behavior from the men that they are involved with just to hold on to them. It hurts when they come here for advice but dismiss everything that you said only to go back and put up with the same crap. The same applies to friends and family.

What I had to learn was that I can only do so much (and it seems that you have learned that as well). You can't help people that don't want to help themselves. I put it out there and if they don't want to take my advice, then that's on them. I had to stop myself from getting too emotinally involved. It's something I had to do to protect myself. Hey, I can understand your situation. That's why I had to take a break from the boards as well. I use to frequent "Like A Virgin," and "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?" Now, I lurk more than anything and every now and then, I will come out of lurkdom to give advice. I actually did that nearly 2 weeks ago and I ended up unintentionally offending the original poster. I was only trying to get her to see what was really going on but she totally took it the wrong way. As a result, I've gone back into lurkdom mode.

I'm glad that you haven't disappeared completely though. There are many people that have benefited from the great advice that you have given but I also understand the strain that goes along with that. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend and I hope that one day she realizes for herself that she is worth more than the way she is allowing her husband to treat her. Just be there to support her when she comes to that realization.

Nick, I want to wish you much happiness and success in your marriage. Also, please don't allow the negative things that people have said to you, stop you from using the gift that God gave you. It's okay to take a break but there are so many people in this world that are hurting and need to hear what you have to say. You'll never know how many lives you have changed with the advice that you have given on this board as well as others. I'm speaking from experience.(smile) Hugs and God bless.

-Swan

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
In reply to: swan577
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 1:49pm

Thanks. I'm just coming back to the boards after a while away. Mostly because I've just been really busy at work and at home.

I had surgery on my sinuses and had my tonsils removed on the 11th. Wasn't much fun but I have a feeling when all the healing is done I'll be really glad I did it. Right now I'm just glad to be getting out of the house again and starting to eat solid food. :)