So Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2005
So Confused
3
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 4:13pm
I need help.....I have been dating this guy for about 6 weeks now, we met online and from there we see each other 2-3 times a week. Hes called a couple of times late at night after he has been out and drinking saying how much he likes me and the potential that is there for us. We have yet to meet each other friends or family ( it still kinda soon) and we havent talked about being exclusive. I spent the night a few times but I found out that he is still on the dating website....and he knows I know. What does this mean? Is he just keeping his options open?? He likes to joke to me that I have other boyfriends.....but I really dont. What should I do???? Thanks!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 4:18pm

Until it's mutually agreed upon verbally, never assume a man stopped dating other women, and/or sleeping with other women (the same goes for the guys).

If he's still on the dating site, then yeah, he is still keeping his options open. There's nothing wrong about that, regardless if he's not dating anyone. It just shows you that he's still getting to know you (instead of assuming after a few weeks that you're the one).

Hugs. If you want something more of a commitment, you need to talk to him. If not, just go with the flow, so far, it seems, with the amount of time you two spend together, that he at least enjoys your company. At 6 weeks, he doens't know you and you don't know him. Take it slow.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2005
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 4:25pm
Thank You....thats what I thought.....It doesnt bother me that hes keeping his options open......I mean Im not sitting at home planning our wedding I guess I am just one of those people who would rather know up front whats up. I guess Ill have to bite the bullet and find ask.......:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 4:39pm

Before you talk to him, ask yourself, what do YOU want? What can you live with (if he says he doesn't want anything serious)? What are your boundaries (if he says he's not looking for a r'ship, will you leave)? Draw your boundaries of what you can and cannot live with, and stick to them.

There are way too many women who say, "I am okay with nothing exclusive" but then complain that the guy is dating someone else, or online still looking, etc. Or, there are women who accept the whole, "I don't want a r'ship right now" and they're fine with that, until they start to feel used, cuz in the end, that's what they are doing to themselves. The men are using them, and when the woman agreed to his not wanting a r'ship, to him, they agreed to be a FWB (assuming there's sex involved). Women read btwn the lines too much, when many times, men say what they mean.

Good luck.

~pineapple_girl