sad and hurt

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2005
sad and hurt
1
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 10:18am

am extremely upset. Here's a little background info...

I have been dating a guy for 6 months. There is a 10 year span between us - he's 32 i'm 22 - and we met while I was doing my internship in NYC, and I live and go to college in Maine. We both knew that we would have to part ways once August came b/c i have to go back to college for my senior year. Within that 6 month span we have become closer... especially within the past month - 2 months. He's opened up to me more as have i to him.

2 nights ago was our last time together. I told him that I was really going to miss him and that I was sad to be leaving him. He told me that I shouldn't be sad and that we should look back on all the good times we had together. I agreed, but I don't think he understands that I have really deep feelings for him. I really want to be with him and i told him that I did and that i would be willing to try to carry on a long-distance thing, but he told me that he was "too old to be doing the long-distance thing" and that i should be free to enjoy my senior year of college.

Our relationship was amazing. We hardly argued and we could carry on long political conversations, intellecutal conversations and we could even spend hours just being stupid together. We really clicked, emotionally, physically, and intellectually. I really feel like i could have married this guy someday. I don't want to give him up and what we have, so easily. What really hurts was when he decided to be honest and said that if another girl came along and he was interested in her, he would run with it. And that really hurt because i feel like I might have just been a fling for him.

My plan is to return to NYC after graduation to persue a career. He has told me that He would like me to come back and is even willing to help me find something. But there's a 9 month span in between that, and I'm very nervous and afraid that he will find someone else, and meanwhile I will be wallowing in my own sadness over losing him.

I do plan on seeing him once or twice this fall. He'll come to Maine once or so, to spend a weekend and I will go to NYC once or so to spend a weekend and attend one of the football games that he holds season tickets to. we have talked briefly about it. it's just that now, i don't know what i should do, or how i should talk to him, or when i should talk to him, email him, text him, and i don't know what i should be like when we finally meet again. But for the meantime, I am very hurt, and it feels like my heart and soul has been broken...I have pretty much been inconsolable since that last night together - crying, no appetite, feeling empty, etc. - and I don't know what to do. Even though he told me that he'd keep in touch, It's so hard to go from something special to nothing at all - & i don't have many people in my life who understand what's going on.

Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
In reply to: sgrplm12
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 1:50pm

(((Sgrplm12)))

Hugs...my heart goes out to you. I've been there and understand the sadness and pain you're feeling. I'm sorry for your sake that he didn't communicate up front that he would not be interested in pursuing an LDR, regardless of however much the two of you enjoyed being with each other. However, under the circumstances, I'm glad he was honest in telling you that he wasn't interested in an LDR. In light of how you feel about him, he could've easily lied to you about his intentions and kept things going with you while actively pursuing other women in NYC. But he didn't, so that's a good thing.

If I may encourage you -- As you prepare to start your senior year, you never know what the next several months will hold for you. You could meet a new guy and click with him the way you click with NYC guy (or even better!); the new guy could be so into you that he'd find YOU worth the time and commitment to pursue an LDR. Conversely, as the old saying goes, "absence makes the heart grow fonder." NYC guy could wake up one morning, realize he feels more for you than he wanted to admit and decide to pursue an LDR with you after all. Yes, he's open to meeting new women, but that doesn't mean he'll meet anyone with whom he'll click with the way he has with you.

What I'm trying to say is keep your options open. You never know how this will all play out. It may be hard to imagine meeting someone better than NYC guy, but it could happen. At 22, you probably didn't think you'd meet someone like him, but you did. So it stands to reason that you could meet someone even better who could turn out to be THE love of your life.

One thing I've learned in my 40+ years....Guys are a bit like buses -- if one passes you by, another one is just around the corner.

Best wishes to you as you begin your senior year!

Hang in there and be strong,
Heymum