Will he cheat on me too?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Will he cheat on me too?
4
Sun, 08-21-2005 - 2:25am
My best friend (a guy) just moved in with his other best friend last week - we'll call him Tim. I've known Tim for 3 years, and have always had a little crush on him. However, I WAS engaged when I met him, and while I was attached, Tim started dating another girl. They have been dating for about 2 years now, and no one can stand her. This is going to sound HORRIBLE, but oh well... she is UGLY, and really quite a rude, mean girl. My best friend hates her, and to be frank, so do the rest of Tim's friends. Anyway, last week they had a 'new-apartment' party, with a few of us girls, and their girlfriends weren't there. I ended up getting drunk and having sex with Tim. I thought, "Hey, we were drunk, and even though I do like him, he has a girlfriend, and it really was nothing." Well, I was wrong. He called me the next day and wanted me to come over-no one was going to be there. I couldn't, I had to work, so we made plans for today. I've kinda been going through a promiscuous faze, where I don't want to be tied down, I just want to have fun (and sex-this is NOT like me, I know). I've talked to him on the phone a couple times since then, and he made it very apparent that he is interested in me. My feelings from before are starting to come up, and I am starting to want to settle down! I went over there tonight, and did have sex with him again. We were both sober. Before I left, he was talking about making this a regular thing. I really just want him to break up with this girl and date ME, but I don't know if I should trust him. Once a cheater, always a cheater?? I am SO sure that this is a point blank answer, but these feelings have always been there, and I am so lonely. What should I do??
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 5:54pm
I just wanted to tell u of my personal experience with a guy i dated this past year. He was separated from his wife and going through a divorce. He still lived with her in the spare room and had no where to go. We started talking as friends and i offered my spare room in my apt because i desperately needed a roommate. Well after a while we became very close and eventually hooked up. I told him of my past relationships with being cheated on and treated badly. He assured me that he would never hurt me like that. Then proceeded to tell me that he had cheated on his wife once before and he felt horrible about it. He also said he felt horrible for telling me becaues he didnt want me to judge him and question out relationship. After a while he started hanging out with his friends more than me and i was never invited, nor would he tell any of them about me because his divorce wasnt finalized and he didnt want people to think he was a bad person for being with me when he wasnt technically "divorced". I started getting gut feelings that more was going on than just weekly kareoke nights with his friends. After about a month of questioning i finally got the truth. He had been cheating on me with this girl from work that he talked about all the time. She was also one the "friends" that he would go out with all the time. He also would spend sat. and sun. afternoons at her house doing landscaping for her dad. SO....... i know that was long but thats the shorter version trust me! LOL So to answer ur ? yes i think he is most likely to cheat again. It only gets easier after the first time. Im not saying people cant change but its a high probability that he will cheat again its only a matter of time. And the reason i say this about him is because yeah the first time u both were intoxicated, that happens. Its not such a big deal, but the fact that he called u over when he was completely sober is a big deal. I think u should remain friends and go out and have fun. Good luck!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 9:27pm

<< I really just want him to break up with this girl and date ME, but I don't know if I should trust him. Once a cheater, always a cheater?? I am SO sure that this is a point blank answer, but these feelings have always been there, and I am so lonely. What should I do??>>

This is quite simple, actually. You say "look Tim, I like you .... but, you and I both know that you have a girlfriend. So, when you break up with your girlfriend, give me a call."

Simple. Done.

As for will he cheat on you, too? Yes, probably. Cheaters will cheat unless they desire fidelity. Knowing that you know that he's cheating on his gf, that only tells him that he'd probably be able to get away with it with you, too. Because, after all, YOU ARE enabling him to cheat on her. Why WOULDN'T he do it to you, too. Are you HONESTLY asking if you can trust someone who cheats? But, in that, I'm assuming that you mean "would he cheat on me too" .... if you were dating, right? Because, it's not cheating on YOU if he's cheating while with his GF and still with you .... and picks up another girl for a third dish (ick, just think of the STD potential?!)

Sorry, but true.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 12:53am
Thank you to both of you responding. I don't know what my deal is... I KNOW I shouldn't continue the relationship, and that I am only going to get hurt in the end... but I can't. I just want to be with him. UGH! I need some mental help, I think. Anyway, thanks again. I am going to try to end it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 4:11pm

This situation alone probably has something to do with why you are NO LONGER ENGAGED.

Your too loose honey!! First of all you dont sleep with your best friend when you know he has a girlfriend. Thats showing him what type of girl you are. Do not place blame on the alcohol, you wanted to sleep with him before but you were ENGAGED (as you said.)

I would NOT be serious with this guy, and I wouldn't open my legs up to the first person that I have a slight crush on (your best friend).

Yes he will cheat on you, because who knows how many other "angelawina's" there are out there who are his best friends too and want to sleep with him.

What you did was wrong...get your mind right and focus on a man who can please you without sex.

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