Heartbroken but hopeful

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
Heartbroken but hopeful
1
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 2:27am

8 months ago I began a relationship with the most wonderful, caring and genuine man I have ever met. Although we were both young, we fell into a deep love almost immediately. I know this love of mine was real because I could feel him in every part of me. We took care of eachother. We made eachother better people.

For the first 5 months of our relationship, we spent every day and night together. When he went away to study abroad for a month in the summer, we both cried, called and missed eachother to no end. We promised eachother that we would never leave eachother's sides and could not be happier. HE said most of these things to begin with. He told me he thought I could very well be "the one"

When he returned from abroad, everything was perfect and storybook again. I felt his love when he held me and looked at me.

Last week, my boyfriend left to study at grad school (14 hours away). This is the first time he has ever lived on his own before.. 14 hours away from everything he knows. We had planned to keep a flamming relationship from afar and he begged me to eventually move in with him at school.

LITTLE DID I KNOW .. as I helped pack his things and said my last goodbyes, he looked at me sadly and said he did not feel in love anymore. He burst into tears and said that VERY RECENTLY it had been going from wonderful passion to very little and back again..bouncing back and forth and he couldnt control it. He told me he hadnt eaten in days and began to cry, shake, and pull me so close to him that it seemed like if he would never let go. He said he was miserable and everything hurt in his life. He said he "still adores me but doesn't know if he is in love anymore.." It comes and goes and he doesn't know why. He says I haven't changed a bit and he feels so sick to be hurting me.

This normally level-headed and successful guy has turned into a mess of tears and depression.. he has been seeing a psychiatrist for the past few days and crying nearly non stop. He says he just wants to get that feeling back like we "used to have." He thinks he may have a problem with pushing people away.

~~ I know our love was real. Does love like that really just disappear randomly? Or does this seem like a deeper-rooted problem?

My heart hurts and I hope so badly that he is just going through changes and a rough time.

Please advise...
I appreciate it so much
-J

Avatar for mexigurl10
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 8:37am

I commend you for being so strong.. I am in the same boat as you..
I spent all weekend crying.. because my fiance said he wasn't ready to marry me.
Last week i booked the hall and the church.. and a day later he comes to me and
confesses that he is scared of marriage .. and that maybe he needs more time to
himself (and with his single friends) to realize what he wants ...
I was heartbroken..and still am.. it hurts really bad.. because we had plans to marry
on May 13 of next year.
He wants more freedom and claims he has been tied down for the past 3 years.. in my
opinion I never forced him to stay with me.. HE is the one that always said I love you.
and HE is the one who gave me the ring..why give it to me then? we got engaged a year ago..and every since then.. he talked about the wedding?
I don't know.. I am sooo hurt and feel your pain.. lets stay stong..

:(

Dora <br> Rolando 6/16/06 .. born at 41 weeks<br> Ruben 12/4/08 .. born at 29 weeks