What is going on? Neurotic or not?
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| Wed, 08-31-2005 - 12:09am |
I'm having a strange time with a guy I just went on my first date with. The background is - we've been chatting on the net for about 6 years - off and on. We'd almost met when I was in college, but then I moved away.
Flash to present day, where this boy finds me again through the computer and we start chatting it up again. He's flirty and fun and we get along pretty great. So we plan a meeting at my apartment to watch a movie and for pizza.
So he comes over on a Friday night... and again hit it off. We end up going to second base, maybe a lil' to third ... he's cooing how we should've met before and telling me things we can do in the future, etc. So it's going well - SO I think.
He leaves - then Sunday we just chat on the net briefly. We're kind of strange and don't talk about the first date at all. I sort of expected a "that was a great first date" something...but it was nothing. He's not as flirty as he was, but still we chat it up. I ask him point blank if our meeting was a one time deal. He says, no he planned to see me more.
So now it's two days later - and no contact from him. This is coming from before when we first started chatting I swear we talked every day. Now I feel like I'm getting the cold shoulder (though granted he COULD be working OR busy) ... but I feel odd cause A. we went farther than I anticipated on the first date. B. Wonder if the first date was because we liked each other or because he was horny and I was available.
Now I'm at a loss for WHAT to think or do or say. Am I over reacting?? I don't know if I'm being overly neurotic and feeling like I shouldn't have let him get that far with me - when I've *NEVER* done that before. I guess I'm just scared that now he got some goods he's going to drop me like a bad habit. He doesn't seem the sort, and makes me wonder why if he wants to drop me, to go ahead and tell me he'd planned on seeing me again.
So I guess the question is how long to wait? Or what to do exactly. What would you do?

I think that when you've been talking to someone online for a very long time, you build up very high expectations of what they're going to be like. And then when you meet, even if they are a very nice person - it's quite common to feel an anti-climax. Quite often, they are not quite who you pictured them to be....and the chemistry is different in person to what has been experienced online.
While I've never had a male correspondant, this has happened with female pen pals. For that matter, I know a number of people who've met e-correspondants and the relationship has fallen apart afterwards.
I would guess that this is how he feels. I think he's probably confused because the 'real' you is different to what he guessed you would be like. Be prepared that he may continue to distance himself from you.
Lastly, in answer to your question about whether or not he plans to see you again: He may simply be still hashing it out in his head. He may want to see you again but is still figuring out whether or not it's as a boyfriend/girlfriend thing.
I know what iv_aisha is talking about with meeting people that you've spoken to on-line and having it be really anticlimatic. That has happened to me with a couple of different guys that I met on-line and then met in person.
As for what to do in regards to your situation, it's possible he's not that into you or it's possible that he's just busy, or it could be something else. I would try to just wait it out until you speak to him again and then see . I would also let him know that you don't usually as fast as you did the last time you guys met, and that you would prefer to rewind things back to not going further than kissing on your next date and then to move things more slowly forward the next time around. That way you'll know if he's interested in seeing you again because he really likes you, or if it's just because he's horny.
In the meantime, until you speak to him again, you should feel free to go on with your life. That is, don't feel like you have to leave your week-end free just in case he wants to do something and don't spend all day sitting in front of your computer only because you're hoping he'll come on. As long as he knows you're interested, if he's interested too, you'll find a way to meet again regardless. If not, then at least you won't feel like you sacrificed too much for something that didn't pan out.