Friends only or...
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Friends only or...
| Mon, 12-26-2005 - 11:10am |
A guy and I met last year at a part-time job we both had. We hit it off great! He's 32 and I'm 40. We started hanging out together every day, going to movies, dinner, watching tv, shopping, etc. Then after a few weeks, we started having sex. We have talked many times about relationships, we've both been hurt badly in the past. He's not ready for a serious relationship right now as he is in school and only working part-time. I feel the same way. A few months ago, I was having some financial difficulties so he suggested that I move in with him. I did. We have separate bedrooms, but at least 4 or 5 nights a week, I'm in with him. When we do have sex, it's not every night, but we always cuddle to fall asleep (he initiates that most of the time). We do everything together, cook, clean, shop..we just love each others company. We don't make time for anyone else (except family). He insists we are just friends. He does want children some day and as I said, I'm 40.
We are talking about moving back to his hometown (several states away). We look at houses everyday, plan the cars we want, the furniture, and all of the fun things we'll do. He's even said he will support me through grad school if I want it. Sounds great, right? It is, however, I know we won't be together as boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife. We are very happy together, we have lots of fun, can almost read each others minds and finish each others sentences. The commitment part is planning our future together when we move, but also the words, "when you finish school and find your own house, or when you find your Mr. Right and/or I find my Ms. Right" are often spoken.
We know it will be at least 2 1/2 to 3 years before we move and if I go to law school there, at least another 3 years on top of that that we'll be together.
My family thinks I'm insane for living like this. They think we should call ourselves more than friends as we pretty much act and sound like much more. The point is that I'm happier now than I've ever been in any relationship, and he is too (he had a horrible marriage and only one other serious relationship in the past).
Any thoughts, suggestions?? I'm happy the way things are, just kind of confused.
We are talking about moving back to his hometown (several states away). We look at houses everyday, plan the cars we want, the furniture, and all of the fun things we'll do. He's even said he will support me through grad school if I want it. Sounds great, right? It is, however, I know we won't be together as boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife. We are very happy together, we have lots of fun, can almost read each others minds and finish each others sentences. The commitment part is planning our future together when we move, but also the words, "when you finish school and find your own house, or when you find your Mr. Right and/or I find my Ms. Right" are often spoken.
We know it will be at least 2 1/2 to 3 years before we move and if I go to law school there, at least another 3 years on top of that that we'll be together.
My family thinks I'm insane for living like this. They think we should call ourselves more than friends as we pretty much act and sound like much more. The point is that I'm happier now than I've ever been in any relationship, and he is too (he had a horrible marriage and only one other serious relationship in the past).
Any thoughts, suggestions?? I'm happy the way things are, just kind of confused.

You're NOT more than just friends technically.
Basically, this lifestyle facilitates this guy's needs and your needs and both your goals simulutaneously.
He's working part time, going to school, can't afford to date formally, and every woman he would date would want a "relationship".
See, a relationship is where the needs, wants, goals, desires, and best interests and well being of the other person is being considered equally with your own...and his own.
That's NOT happening.
You two both like sex - you have found partners where sex without obligation or emotional bond as a result of sex, or because of sex is expected or involved.
You both want to live in a more comfortable and convenient lifestyle than you can each afford on your own.......it's just easier to have someone else around to help with the bills and chores. As long as this is being done with "my own future, needs, goals, and requirements" in mind by each of you - it works.
But basically, this guy is 32. And he's just really not where most "32 year olds are" - in life.
So he's having a hardtime attracting people to date that are his age or slightly younger. They "expect" more of him than he's capable of offering at this time.
So you're 40, you're mature, self-responsible, you're not thinking he's got your well-being or best interests at heart - you like sex, you're willing for this arrangement, he figures that you could find osmoene to have a relationship with if you wanted one...but like him, you didn't choose a career path and education at a younger age - so you're not where "most people your own age are".
One thing is guaranteed......at least almost certainly....at the point where his education is done.......he's going to want to date, to live independently, and he'll date and form relationships with women younger than you.
You being 40 right now is a plus...he considers you a mature woman, responsible for herself, and accountable to herself....that makes you a great "buddy" - in and out of bed, makes taking you around parents, etc. easy becuase "nobody realistically expects him to form a relationship with you".
On your side, your family and friends are saying you're crazy for wasting your 40's on a guy that is NOT interested in a relationship, and should he ever become interested, will not be interested in dating someone he's already "done".
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
If you're happy with the way things are, and don't care that a future together isn't in the cards, then what's the problem? The label isn't important, what's important is that you're happy with what you have.
The only possble issue I see is whether you really are thinking, in the back of your mind, that he will change his mind about a future together, and maybe that's what your family is picking up on?
Sheri
What are you confused about?
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I'm in school now for a career change, not because I waited too late to decide what I wanted to do. He's in school now after a 6-year military career. We both know what we want and having fun is the important thing for now. There is at least a 6 year plan we will follow when we finish school and move. Right now I'm helping him and he's helping me.
I'm not confused about anything. No one else understands our relationship and frankly, it was new to me too. I guess I'm just tired of explaining over and over again to everyone that we are just very good friends, nothing more.
"I'm happy the way things are, just kind of confused."
Since you ended your post with that, I
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