cheating? needs some honest input help..

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2005
cheating? needs some honest input help..
2
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 8:19am

Help need some honest advice..BF has been getting a lot of text and phone calls from a girl he used to mess around (before me) for the last week and a half. (When we started dating about a year ago she used to call and text all the time too but he said she stoped doing that and I did not notice their being any calls from her She calls private most of the time and also like 4 or 5 times an hour.) He said he saw her out about the time she started calling him and this was during the time that we were fighting. He did not hide it and told me she was calling and played some of the voicemails to me that she had left him. He told me he told her to stop texting and calling him but she still calls about a million times a day. He tells me he does not pick up her calls (especially never around me) but he does seem to know a lot about what is going on with her life for not talking to her ever. Example last nite (at 12:30am) she called in front of me from a private number he did not answer he played the message with her saying "Hi i was just thinking about you cant sleep I will be home tommorrow tommorrow nite and the next day because dont have a car call me when your not busy bye." I asked why she does not have a car and he said she got into a car accident in which I asked how did he know and he said she talks to his voicemail like it is him and she left it on a message. Know some messages this week had said she wants to see him, why is he not picking up the phone, and to get rid of GF for the nite. He is with me every nite and the only time he is not with me is while I am at work and he never gave me any reason to think he was cheating except for the phone calls. It is really begining to eurk me and it is getting under my skin in the worst way and I told him that. I am not insecure at all but my point is why would any women keep calling a man repeatedly everyday for over a week if he paid her no attention, did not answer her calls ever, and when he did he told her he has a girlfriend and to stop calling? What do you think? Is he cheating? or not? what is going on and how do I stop this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 10:32pm

Dear Jrck123,
When I read your post I didn't immediately see several different red flags as I normally do when reading posts. What I did see is a man who is trying to be honest with you. He allows you to listen to the message instead of hiding them. He also hasn't appeared to keep any secrets from you concerning her. If you are together a lot and he isn't making excuses to not be with you then what are you worried about? Honestly, I would just let him know that it bothers you that she calls so much, but then I would drop it. If he ignores the calls she will more than likely quit calling. I don't see he has given you any reason to doubt him. A relationship is built from trust therefore trust him. If he had kept the calls a secret or taken the calls privately I'd worry. For now it seems he is trustworthy. You might even want to make the comment if it comes up again, "How annoying to receive calls like that, just ignore her and she'll go away." Act like the mature one in the situation.
For now no worries...........just be the great girlfriend to him he wants and needs. Men hate drama so steer clear of the drama she's trying to create.

Best Wishes & Happy New Year!!!

AprilShowers

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 6:15pm
If your BF isn't giving any reasons for you to question his fidelity (i.e. secretiveness, unexplained absenses, etc) then I would guess that this other girl has it in her head to get back together with him and is doing everything she can to cause doubt in you and come between you two. He should answer the phone next time she calls, while you're there, and tell her that this harassment must stop, her contacting him is not wanted, and if she doesn't stop then he's going to go to the police and see about filing a restraining order against her. It doesn't have to continue unless he wants it to, in which case you've got bigger problems with your BF.