friends turning to more

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
friends turning to more
7
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 2:18pm
i had been with a man for about a year, he moved due to business across the country, i was heartbroken but also understood. i have a friend who i have known my entire life and we have always been there to pick up the pieces for each other, well he was there to mend my heartache, hes this really amazing man, adorable, funny, sweet, considerate, kind, heres my dilema, there are times where i think we are more than friends feel something towards each other, we have kissed twice in 15 years of friendship, it has been in the last 4 months 1 time he kissed me and i was shocked one time i kissed him and he was shocked. he makes comments like i think we should be together or someone will ask him who hes seeing and hell say me and smile. he'll make plans with me and not show up heut always call the next day to apologize.
he is probably my best friend my problem is how can i tell if he really does want more than friendship without scaring the crap out of him? as i can be his friend and i could definatly be more than that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 5:38pm

He likes you, has always liked you, but feels that you are the ambivalent one. If you want it, then it is up to you to take the step. You'll pretty much have to just grab him and push yourself against him in order to send the message - hope that doesn't sound harsh. I seriously doubt he would resist.

you've known each other for fifteen years! I can almost promise you that he would be open to something more than friendship. If you make a move, it could be forever, so think about it.

Hope that helps.

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 9:37am
great love takes great risk, we went to a christmas party together on wednesday and i he told me he loved me and then kissed me and i got nervous, yes im standoffish and its my issues i have to work on, and i know what an amazing man he is and how everyone has always said how perfect we are together and we should be together and i think we should also, but why am i so scared of this? ive always made bad choices in men the older i get and the more i get to know myself that i play it safe chose men that are pretty much guaranted to not stick around, or men i dont get caught up in, how do you get over that fear that if it doesnt work he may not be in my life any longer and im afraid of that. im also scared someone else is going to get this amazing man that if i dont respond soon he may be gone anyway
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 3:21pm

Hi. Glad you wrote -- don't really know what to say.. maybe you're afraid you'll start getting bored with him, or feel that you'll lose something of yourself as you decide whether to make him a main part of your life. You've known each other a long time so I wouldn't worry about him just suddenly disappearing if you stay cold to him (are you being cold to him?), but still you should respond to his move at the Christmaas party. You didn't really say what happened after he kissed you and told you he loved you, except that you got nervous. That's a pretty big step for him, by the way. (By the way, that is exacty why I haven't done that sort of thing for a woman, I just don't care to get that reaction to it, even if I'm sure about her. And that's why I'm still single..) Maybe he tried to pursue it further than a kiss. I don't know. But if you are really serious about him you should do something or say something extraordinarily welcoming to him right away. He probably is wondering if he should move on -- there ar probably a couple other women he knows or thinks about (maybe) but definitely he likes you more than anyone. Now, think about how terrible you would feel if you saw him with someone else, or found out he was thinking about someone else.

Good luck, let me know -- and would you care to help me with something? It seems like we could communicate. I am in the Army and am returning to duty next Tuesday, and thought I'cd come to these boards looking for a solution and maybe contribute, but I haven't seen anything concerning my problem (it's not anything weird, I just need a little advice, and don't feel like going to a bar and talking about it, or talking about it with girls I know).

In any case, good luck with this guy. He is probably a little hurt, or a lot hurt, but probably knows that you like him too. He is definitely confused. And yes, there's a chance you might lose him, so please do something positive to keep it alive. And don't be afraid of commitment - especially if you feel like you can be honest with this guy. You are in a really good spot, but maybe you don't realize it. Good luck...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 4:54pm
Well, hope you had a good new years. This guy you wrote about, maybe he was part of it. If you're still not sure about him yet, then maybe you should just forget it. Maybe you know some other guy who's more attractive, and you won't rest until you get this better looking guy first, or maybe you have this feeling that Johnny Depp is going to come along and fall in love with you. If so, then this "amazing" guy you are wondering about, you probably don't deserve him. Let him find someone else, and I wish him luck. He doesn't deserve to be #2 with you for the rest of his life. But maybe you are making progress... do not worry about the bad decisions you have made in the past. I hate making pop culture references, but you konw that movie Eternal Sunshine.. when Jim Carey and Kate Winslet have it out in the hallway at the end? that's a pretty moving scene, isn't it. I would do anything to have that, what JC had, almost did a few times, but I lost it. Sometimes my fault, sometimes no one's fault. And now I am going away, maybe forever, and might never get it. It hurts to even think about. All I'll be thinking about is apologizing to those women, and falling in love again somday, if I'm lucky. You, gigetsmt, shoud listen to people who want you to make up your mind about this guy. Aren't you in your 30s, and wouldn't you like to meet someone while you still know you are young and can fully enjoy what god or nature has given you? If this is a guy that you might be able to fall in love with, then do it. Otherwise tell him, once and for all. And be honest with him. Everyone can smell bs, and it doesn't even feel good to bs someone. Tell the truth, first to yourself, and then to him. I hope you find it in him to love him, because I can tell you, for certain, based on what you have wrote, that he loves you. I'll have to leave it at that. I have to go. Best of luck. Adieu
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 11:21am
thanks for all the advice, well we went out for new years eve, hes a big poker player and we were going to meet some friends( mutual friends) and he got a call to go play poker so he told me to call him in 1 hr and hed be back so that was at 900 then i called him around 1030 spoke to him said he be there in a bit (he is the slowest man ever) and i dont see or hear from him, but he called me the next night to apologize and go out well i didnt feel good so i declined, i know i need to say something and step up or he will be goine, we have had talks about other people but we always just want to be together, as far as someone more attractive or johnny depp coming along, i know that wont happen, as he is probably one of the most attractive men ive ever met, ill figure it out, i know this doesnt happen to often but i just dont want to get my heart broken if he tends to meet someone more attractive then me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 12:02pm
i would be happy to help you out did you post anything yet if so le tme know what otherwise return via this post and ill see what i can do. thanks for the advice
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 1:19pm
things are going really well, took everyones advice thank you and were really happy, its only been a few months that were together but i think i could love this man forever.