complicated

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2005
complicated
4
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 12:49pm

hello,

I have been dating this guy for a short while (less than a month) and things couldnt be better. We have a great time together and we really have fun. He is really nice, he tell that he likes being with me and happy to see me. Basically, there is a lot of chemistry there, I mean, the connection is so great.

However, he told me yesterday, that even though they were broken up, he was still living with his ex. They broke up recently and they just kept living together, in separate bedroom. that news came as a shock, I had no idea. He told me that out of the blue, telling me he didnt know how to tell me this and that he prefered to tell me now rather than having me finding out by my own. According to him, there is no reason for me to worry, it is really over for them, has been that way for a while and now that he have an incentive for moving (me) he will start looking for a place of his own.
He was very reassuring, but I cant help feeling insecure about this. I really dont like this. Even if it happen to me before to live with an ex while dating a another guy, and there was nothing between me and the ex at that point. I dont want to stop seeing him, but this make me feel insecure, quite insecure and really suspicious. I want to trust him but I dont know if I should. I am so afraid of getting hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: stelli11
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 1:24pm
Hi and welcome to the board. What is so complicated or has you so confused? You said you've been in this situation before so you know it happens. Also he has told you so you know what is going on which shows he wants you to know nothing is going on and being upfront and honest. He then lets you know that he will begin looking for another place. Sounds good to me, you can actually help him look. So, explain to me what about this makes you feel insecure because it seems he is doing all he can to make it right. Along with being upfront so you can have an open conversation about it.

Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: stelli11
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 3:11pm

Hmmm...I have a different perspective than Marie's. I don't think that's something you keep from someone at all...that needs to be discussed as soon as the two of you start getting involved (more than a date or two).

I would put things on hold until he has moved out...plus, if they were serious enough to be living together, he's probably not the best bet for a healthy relationship if he hasn't had any time to get over her (you are likely to be a rebound, in other words).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2005
In reply to: stelli11
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 5:30pm
this situation make me feel insecure, mostly because my ex dump me for his ex. And I have a lot of issues regarding ex since then. I also have some trust issue, like I said I want to believe him when he tells me nothing is going on with his ex and he seems very sincere in his feelings for me, but I still have some doubt, tiny doubt, but doubt. When I talk to him or to someone else about it, it's all very clear that I sould trust him, but i tend to overanalyze things, looking for the little thing he said ou he did, that could mean he's not telling me the truth. I am afraid that it will hurt the relationship, which would make me really sad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
In reply to: stelli11
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 11:17am
i have been where you were once, its hard not to jump to conclusions and very easy to accuse, especially if it has happened in the past, what is harder still is getting over the baggage hurdle and believe what he says, if it were me and i really wanted something with this guy, i would make sure i have his home number so there really are no secrets if you call him there, have you been to his place yet? if so try to see if he has a problem with that and i would give it time to see if he really is moving out, if he takes more than 2 months to make the effort of even looking then i would think he is a bit less than honest, but give it a chance. what makes life worth living are those big steps you take not knowing whats on the other side of the tunnel