Angry

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Angry
4
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 9:56am
Well here it is almost New Years Eve and my boyfriend is being a jerk. We've been together for a 1 1/2 years. He has his moments when he tells me he's sorry that he realizes he isnt very supportive and he is a bad boyfriend. Then he has his moments like now where he tells me he doesnt want me to call him and whine that my New Years plans arent what I wanted them to be. How can someone who supposedly loves me tell me he doesnt want to hear me complain? I cant be happy all the time! Whats worse is that he is planning on spending time with his friends on New Years and tells me, " well I have my plans", like it doesnt matter what Im doing or if Im even there (yet he says he would want me there to kiss me at midnight). Why does someone who admits he isnt very supportive or emotional not try and change that? He just does something again that shows he isnt supportive. I get upset at him and cry and leave his apartment and he doesnt run after me or anything. It doesnt bother him if I cry. He thinks I do it for his attention and that Im being a cry baby. Just because he isnt emotional and doesnt cry!!
We are really good friends and like the same things, but on an emotional level he is just zero. Its like he has the sensitivity of a rock. How much should I brush off to being a guy and what do I walk away from ?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
In reply to: blondy136
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 10:15am
Then he has his moments like now where he tells me he doesnt want me to call him and whine that my New Years plans arent what I wanted them to be. How can someone who supposedly loves me tell me he doesnt want to hear me complain? I cant be happy all the time!
you saying that how can he say he loves you but doesnt want to hear you whine, most
men cant deal with the crying thing it makes them uncomfortable u wanted to know why he isnt trying to change that, most men dont try to change because they dont know how and dont think they should, but you have been with this man 1 1/2 years and he has always been this way. you shouldnt try to change who he is maybe you should try to work on you and see why you get upset and how you respond to him when you are upset. and why he doesnt choose to deal with it, i know when my guy and i fight we walk away and regroup, this came after many years of ruined relationships because of how i handled situations, we talk when were calm, makes it easier to see the other side, im not saying i dont throw a fit every now and then, im human i have my moments but i try to keep it in check.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: blondy136
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 10:26am
You brush off what you can deal with but it seems you can not deal with him on that level. He is not going to change and if you stay you will continue to be unhappy. I am sorry but there is no good way about this. If he is this way all the time nothing will get him to change.

Marie

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
In reply to: blondy136
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 7:45pm
i waited for my man to change from the same attitude you describe for 7 years. 7 years of that same crap and finally the day came that i had been waiting for, the day that he said he wanted to do the right thing now and that he was so sorry for everything, and he cried!!!!!!!! yes, those kind of men actually come around and cry, but by that time, my heart wouldnt let it happen.
how long can you be unhappy until that day? is it worth it? i lost 7 years. i should have walked at 1 or 2. you will know when enough is enough, i am stubborn and wrote to these things everyday but still took no one's advise.
just dont let him get you to the point where you feel like you need help! take care of yourself. you lose much to much valuable time that you can never get back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: blondy136
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 2:53pm

"Why does someone who admits he isnt very supportive or emotional not try and change that?"

HUH!?! Why would someone who's been TOLD by her BF that he isn't very supportive and emotional be surprised when he isn't very supportive and emotional!?!

"How can someone who supposedly loves me tell me he doesnt want to hear me complain?"

Because he's not your therapist, he's your BF. Yes, your concerns and fears, No to just bitch at him.

"I get upset at him and cry and leave his apartment and he doesnt run after me or anything."

Okay you've got to stop trying to get him to respond the way you want him to with this childish immature attempted manipulation. It's wrong. A mature woman in a mature adult relationship does not act this way.

"He thinks I do it for his attention and that Im being a cry baby."

He's not wrong now is he?

Now I've probably just totally pissed you off and that wasn't my intention. A different perspective was. I think you're spending far too much unproductive time trying to get him to act and respond the way you want him to instead of working with the way he acts and responds naturally. It doesn't sound like his way is wrong (i.e. no violence), it's just different from your way.