Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Confused
3
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 3:03pm
I will try to keep this brief, but I cannot promise anything. Ok....I have known this guy for 5 months now. After we first met I went on a long vacation so we spent the first month and a half talking on the phone every night getting to know each other. The more we talked, the more I realized he was a cool guy and someone I could connect with. I could tell he felt the same way as well. Once I came back we started hanging out and still hit it off pretty good. As I started to care more and more I asked him if we were headed towards an actual relationship where we could call each other boyfriend/girlfriend. At that time he said he wasn't ready for that label, but wanted to assure me that I was the only girl he was interested in so it wasn't as if he was seeing other people. Weeks went by and we began getting closer and closer. We both admitted that we cared about each other a lot and were scared to lose each other which sometimes causes us to push each other away. Then on New Years he told me that he feels as if he is falling in love with me....he is not there yet, but feels that his heart is on the way. That meant a lot to me since I feel the same way. However, he told me today that he still does not want to call me his girlfriend. He wants to wait until the time is perfect. I told him that I don't want to force him into anything, but with our feelings at the point they are, why is it so bad to call me his girlfriend? We are going to talk more later since he was on lunch break at work and we couldn't finish the discussion. I know he is not a cheater and doesn't want any other girl. He often tells me that he worries about me finding someone else. Is he just scared to make that girlfriend leap and get hurt or should I be worried that there is something else goin' on? We act like a couple even in public so why not make it official? People are often confused when I tell them that I am single, but falling for this guy I have been hanging out with for months. I am just confused if this is normal guy behavior.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: cerar627
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 11:05am

I’d be confused also. There may be something deeper but I tend to look on the brighter side of things. SO here is my thought on it though a bit off some. But, after New Years Valentine’s day isn’t far off. Why establish a relationship right now. He has avoided the dreaded buying a Christmas gift and if he holds out then he can avoid the other bad day. I would say why worry about the title if your with him and enjoy your time together.

Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
In reply to: cerar627
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 10:11pm
Well he didn't avoid the Christmas present thing. We still bought each other gifts. :) I finally told him that he is confusing me greatly. Though we still haven't had time to have an in depth discussion he basically told me that he cares about me so much it scares him and calling me his girlfriend increases that fear. Girls have always broke his heart once he starts to show emotion and he doesn't want me to do the same thing. I've had the same problem with guys though and am scared to death of being hurt by him as well. However, I haven't let that stop me from showing my true feelings. I told him if he holds in his feelings too long, by the time he is ready to, it could be too late. We kind of shared a good laugh because it's probably the first time in a relationship where both the guy and the girl doubt each other. Sounds like it could be trouble, but I think it's something we can work through together and make us stronger.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: cerar627
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 11:56pm

You know what... I think it is. He is being honest with you and you know him much better then anyone on this board. You have his reaction when his speaks and his personality. Go with that because many times on the boards it is what from experince and/or others we know. You sound confident on this reaction which is good that he may truly be scared but he wants to give it a try. I have been there and dated guys who are now my friends that have been there. I will say many would not be my friend if not for my honesty in the issue. It is all about giving them the space and the time to realize it. I will say for some the space and the time lead me to move or them to move on but the honesty kept me or them friends. Now they are the ones I try to hook up with my girlfrieds because I know they are good guys and we both were never in the time and space to moveo n from it. A big thing I will say about my FWB guy who married after we stop. We just never fit and it was truly Not ment to be because we are great friends. I would say to you thanks for posting it will help a lot of others.


Marie

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