He's an angel...
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| Sun, 01-08-2006 - 12:46am |
Hi all!
I wrote a while back probably in July or August about an ex of mine who just doesn't ever seem to want to grow up and I kept defending him blindly even though I was complaining about him. Well, I finally realized, truly opened my eyes to the fact, that he is a heartless jerk and that I can't believe I defended him for so long thinking he was so innocent. All he is is a liar.
Now, I really like someone else. I met him at my new school. At the beginning of the semester, I didn't pay attention to my attraction toward him because I was still hoping that the miracle would happen with the jerk. Then about two months ago I came down with chicken pox, so I was secluded to my room for two weeks. (I am 20 and that has to be one of the most painful experiences I have had.) While I was in my room, I had a lot of time to think. I finally decided to put my foot down on this constant heartbreak with this boy b/c he's a 21 year old boy. I went back to school and saw the new guy and something inside me just clicked. As I said, I had always been attracted to him and he had always been obviously attracted to me too but I pulled away from him b/c of my ex. I started getting to know this guy better and not to sound as though I'm getting ahead of myself but he's everything that I had been looking for in my ex. Everything that I had made myself believe that was my ex. But because we had only gotten a week to really start talking, I didn't get a chance to give him my number or anything. One of my friends said that he waited for me to come out from one of our classes after taking an exam but apparently I took too long and he had to leave. He made sure we all sat together this coming semester b/c we have some classes together again. We are both doing journalism. Over this winter break, I've been able to get my feelings situated for both guys. Actually, I did a little test on myself. I have heard that your pupils show how you truly feel about something or someone. So I took pictures of my pupils. (lol I just told my friend about this and she just laughed at me, but it's true) I took a picture of when I was relaxed. Then I took one of when I was thinking about the new guy and then when I was thinking of my ex. When I was thinking of my ex it came out really small and then when I was thinking of the new guy it came out really large. Small pupil=negative stimulus and large pupil=positive stimulus.
I'm sure you guys are wondering so what's the problem. Well the only problem I face is that, I can tell the new guy (Michael) is more sexually attracted to me than I am to him. I think Michael is a really good-looking guy better than my ex actually. I guess it's just b/c Ryan (my ex) was my first everything. I know Michael and I have not even begun to date or anything, but I know it is bound to happen and things will progress into that stage in the relationship. I guess another thing that keeps me more physically attracted to my ex than to Michael is their body build. Michael is average where as Ryan is the typical tall, dark and handsome type. Ya know the kinda guy you'd see on the cover of one of those dirty novels (this is why he is the way he is ...I think). Michael on the other hand is shorter, skinnier but extremely gorgeous. He has such pretty blue eyes and this adorable smile. I just act like an idiot when he smiles and looks at me but no other feelings. When Ryan used to be around I seriously was constantly ready for him if ya know what I mean. I guess that I wish I could have a stronger spark with Michael. If only it were possible to have boy paper dolls. The only thing Michael is missing is the body, everything else makes him like an angel.
But neways I see him again on Monday (I'm kinda nervous :) ), but I'm very excited. One thing me and a friend of mine, who knows that Michael and I had started something, weren't sure about is: when you like a guy should you or shouldn't you verbally tell him? I remember when I was in the fourth grade I told my crush that I liked him. I had one of those "do you like me back? circle yes or no" type notes (he unfortunately didn't respond :( ). I've shown that I'm very interested, but as my friend and I were talking about this I began to wonder. Do you guys think that guys really do like it when the girl makes the first move? I usually don't do it unless the guy is completely clueless or shy. I really don't want to make the first move, but I guess I'm just curious.
Thanx and sorry it's so long.
