letting go when you're still in love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
letting go when you're still in love?
4
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 1:11pm
My boyfriend and I have only been together for 8 1/2 months- but in those months we've come to love and care for each other immensely. We've had our rough spots, as every couple does, especially when he was away (too far to drive or see each other more than once a month) on business for three months. However, he's finally returned from his trip and things have been great since he's been back. The only thing is this- I just graduated college and will remain in the same area as him until May, when I'll move about an hour away for the summer. Come fall, I'll be going to law school either 2.5 hrs or 4 hrs away driving. Because he knows I'll be leaving, my boyfriend wants to break up now. He still loves me, tells me constantly, treats me so well and I still love him but he feels that there's a strong chance we'll break up in the fall and so he wants to end it now to minimize the pain later. I admit that his opinion is pragmatic and possibly the best thing to do, but I'm too much of a romantic to accept it. I don't know what will happen in the fall- 4 hrs away isn't so horrible that we couldn't see each other often enough, as he fully admits- but even if I go away and things end up falling apart, I will always regret not having these next 8-10 months with someone I love and care for so much. After staying up all night talking last night, we agreed to give it a week before discussing it more. I guess my question is- do I fight for this relationship as hard as I can or is he right, am I just being selfish by resisting ending it now?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 6:35am

annie088...

PG might be completely 'off-base'----but it sounds like your b/f wants to break things off with you NOW....in order to begin a different relationship with someone else?

Granted...you'd like to maintain the status quo for another 8 months, but eventually...the two of you will go through some sort of a separation.

So if a split is the inevitable ending to the 'life novel' the 2 of you have experienced together, your b/f wants END THINGS NOW!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 5:29am

Giving yourselves time to digest all of this was a great move. Set aside some time and have a long discussion about it. Be open minded when you do and you may "hear" what he is telling you. Then the decision may be an easy one.

You two have lots of options besides "it's over".

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2006
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 8:36am
Don't fight it!! He's using your moving a max of 4 hours away is an excuse. I was in a similar situation. I thought my ex was being practical, but turns out he wanted to date someone else. I actually thought he was in love with me too. He treated me well, said it all the time. But truth is, men are too weak to be honest. They like to take the easy way out. If he really wanted to be with you he would make it work. I mean, he would at least wait until the fall. I mean, end it now? Does that really make sense. Would you give up someone you really love if you didn't have to? He doesn't want to be with you. It's that simple.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2006
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 5:51pm
I agree. i don't think this guy really loves you and wants to continue pursuing a relationship. If he's not willing to fight, why should you? You two aren't married and you're way too young to have to put yourself out like this. The more you pursue him, the less he'll want you.