Sex too soon?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2006
Sex too soon?
6
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 3:49pm
Went out with a guy once. Had a great time. Could tell he was really interested in me. Called me a couple times the next day asking me to stop by his New Year's Eve party. I had already made plans, but suggested we hang out the next day. He and his roommates had out of town guests so we all spent the day at his apartment. It was all couples. That evening we played a drinking game and things got frisky. The other couples decided to take a "break" from the game. Me and the guy took the opportunity to make out (our 1st kiss by the way). One thing led to another and we ended up having sex. a few days later we hung out again and had sex again. this time the condom broke. I had stopped taking the pill a while before so I we were a little nervous but we just went to bed. He held me. the next day I took the morning after pill. I called him that day to tell him but he was busy and he would call me back. Never did. I called him 2 days later and told him. It's been 3 days since then and he hasn't called. He used to call more often (almost every day). did having this little crisis so early in the relationship turn him off? or am I being paranoid?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: takiali
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 4:04pm

Of course it scared him off!! It should scare you off. Why in the world would you risk making a baby with a guy you barely know? Yes you two had sex too soon. Learn from this mistake and near life altering "oopsie".

No man will ever respect you more than you respect yourself. Remember that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: takiali
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 4:04pm

Hi and welcome to the board. I don't think he was ever really turned on but sexually. He got that and this happened or not you probably wouldn't have heard from him the same. First time you had sex then it was drinking going on and the second time without a clouded mind and he knew this was something he didn't want. He held you that night like everything would be fine and figured he could gracefully disappear with no hard feelings because, the excuse I normally here I forgot just got busy, he didn't use you he wanted it but just no time for dating you. Chalk this up as a lesson learned.


Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
In reply to: takiali
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 4:47pm

I'm afraid that this sounds like it was just a hook up for him and the pregnancy scare was enough to scare him off for good. But who knows, maybe he'll reappear when he realizes how much he likes you. How well did you two get to know each other? Did he express any feelings for you?

This is one of the risks you take when you let your hormones take over. Believe me, I've given in to this, and it didn't end well. I held out until the fifth date, knowing that we weren't really in a relationship at that point and that it could go well or blow up in our faces. If he was someone I viewed as serious long term boyfriend material, I wouldn't have slept with him so quickly and would have emphasized more communication. Even though I was pretty sure it would remain a shallow relationship, I still became vulnerable and ultimately very hurt.

Unfortunately, it's just hard for many of us women to have sex and not grow attached. When you're in the moment, you're not really thinking about how you'll feel about the guy in a few days or weeks, but now that you've had this experience, you can use your current disappointment to save yourself future anguish.

Move on from the experience and gain what lessons you can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2006
In reply to: takiali
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 5:40pm
I think you're right that he's scared off, but I don't think it was just a hook up originally. He really expressed interest in me. He called regularly and emailed me although he has two demanding jobs (miltary & firefighter). He wanted to spend his New Year's with me. He told me how happy it was that his friends liked me. It was just little things that made it obvious that he was into me. At first I thought he may have really been busy since he left on a business trip he had told me about before our first date the same day I last saw him. But I've accepted that his opinion of me probably changed after the sex thing. The thing is I never slept with anyone that soon. Actually, I've only slept with one person before this incident(I'm 22 and was in a long term relationship up until a year ago). In the year I've been single I hadn't met one guy I was even slightly attracted to. I may have gotten a little excited about finally meeting someone I was into and let my hormones get the best of me. As the others that have replied have said, this has been a learning experience. I'm young. There will be other men.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2006
In reply to: takiali
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 8:48pm
Ok you guys, he called. Does that mean anything? He just called to talk. I ended the conversation a little prematurely. I just don't want to allow myself to get too into him. I think I'm going to wait for him to call again. I'm gonna let him take the lead and see where he's trying to go. If he shows he's only interested in sex, then I know I have to move on. Does anyone have any advice on how to take it from here?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: takiali
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 10:46pm

I am glad he called. What to do from here is control your emotions first. Now from this last conversation if you said you will call him back then do that. Shows you live up to your word. Now if you said "talk to you later" then that is open for either or or to call because, to me, it is call when your available. But, if you want this to develop into a relationship be honest about it. Ask him what his intentions are and let him know what yours are. I have a rule that I only state mine after the guys states his because some guys will say what you said to get what they want. I will also add I have a great deal online but even meeting them in person did I have this happen also. But, don't hold yourself back because of what he will choose. My experience taught me it is better sooner then later to say what you want and ask the hard questions, or be it questions women tend to let slide because it is to soon, right off. I start off letting the guy know I am not about wasting his time nor him wasting mine and to be on the same page it may seem premature asking what he expects in the future is big but with me I don't want more children and have an expectation of my husband so I let that be known. If he says he wants a relationship then I go to relationship mode and ask those things that I don't want to guess about later in the relationship when my feelings have me torn.. i.e. career, family, roles husband and wife if any they fell. I am very happy for you but go with your thoughts of allowing him to do the pursuing. Except with this last call since I do not know how that ended. If you said you will call him back then do so. Next time you two are together should be a date do not go for the hanging out. Minimize the personal time alone unless you are prepared for just sex before you talk about where it is going. Set your limitations now before it comes up and stick with them. If he wants you he will come around, I think that is better then conform. But, he will do what it takes to keep you around him and to know him. Focus on that, you've met his friends but friends sometimes say a person is good but don't tell you the bad or they may like you as in hanging out but later telling him he can do better. So do not let that be a good point, take it with stride. I wish you all the best and do let me know how it goes.


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