Love at first sight?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2005
Love at first sight?
3
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 8:21pm
I'm 38 and the new man in my life is 45. He basically claims he knew I was "the one" when he first saw me a year ago. We've gone on 4 dates within a month, and he already claims he loves me. Is it really possible for people to feel love at first sight? I feel I cant really discredit him for what he thinks he feels, because my dad fell in love with my mom before they even met. They were at a club, and my dad saw my mom and told his friends that she was the woman he was going to marry. My Mom ignored him and hated him at first, but they eventually fell in love and they have been married now for 39 years. However, that was 39 years aog when love seemed to be easier. Can it be possible in todays day and age too?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 8:33pm

I would be skeptical, because I think that love is based on knowing the other person inside and out, and accepting them for who they are, warts and all. He may sincerely think he's "in love" with you...but what does he really KNOW about you, after only 4 dates? I would take what he says with a huge grain of salt, until you've had a LOT more dates. His "love" can only be based on a very small amount of actual knowledge at this point, so it is probably based mostly on his projections and fantasies of what he *thinks* you are like, not what you are really like.

I think love at first sight is only true in 20/20 hindsight (i.e., love grows based on the initial infatuation). We hear romantic stories about the times it works out (like your parents) but not about the many, many more cases where it didn't.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 11:07pm

I agree with Sheri, but would also like to say it is more possible for love at first site when both are open to the fact that no matter how one changes they will accept it. Yrs ago it was stay married no matter what so if they felt it night one and made it to the alter and then they grew to either accept or love who the person grew into. But, todays society the majority is I love you now but when you grown and change in (my guess everyone changes at this rate) 3 yrs then I can't accept because I loved you how you were and don't know this changed person so I am moving on.


I would say to you go in it eyes wide open because his are narrow now. He may have saw you some time back and got the feeling you were for him, but you and he still needs to get to know you and you him. Keep focused on what you want and continue to grow but keep focused and not allow his feelings become yours. He is ok with his but do what is right for you. Judge him and anything that is not you are what you expect of relationship don't be so accepting because he feels it was love at first site but think of you first.


Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 8:14am

Do yourself a favor and listen to Marie and Sheri !! They give great advice. They have a way of seeing what we dont see. I think sometimes and outside unbiased party can do that.

I have feelings for my guy too, and somedays I think its love, and I want to tell him, but somedays Im not so sure thats what it is just yet. I think we get caught up in the whirlwind of the romance, and the attention, and it blows everything out of proportion.
I know I love him at this point as a friend in my life. But is it the kind of romantic love you feel for someone special, that you want to spend your life with it??

Take for instance, my problems. Ive been here trying to get it together with this man and see if we are on the same page in life. Thinking all along how im SOOOOOOOOOOO in love with him. Well all the while this is going on in my head here comes Guy 2, back into my life. He was someone I dated a few times, while guy one and I were not so involved, he walked away because he needed sometime to get his life in order. Now he's emailing and calling and wanting me to meet him for dinner. Theres a part of me that wants to go.

I spent 21 years in a marriage, and maybe I need to see whats out there first before I let myself TRULY fall in love with Guy 1 !! I say this because if Im even considering it, then maybe Im not as in love as I thought I was yet????????????????????????????

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!!

Im not sure this guy is really in love with you just yet, I think it takes more time than this to be sure. So go slow and dont say it back unless your positive!