7 1/2 years-- should I keep waiting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2006
7 1/2 years-- should I keep waiting?
3
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 4:50am

I have been going out with a man for 7.5 years. He is 25 and I am 23. We started dating my junior year/ his senior year in high school. We have had a wonderful relationship and have seen each other through so many things including finishing college. This past year I received my degree and he is currently finishing up his MBA (which should be completed in Dec. '06). I have very blatantly told him that I do not want to be with him if he doesn't want to marry me and that we need to start taking steps toward marriage (an engagement, etc.). He always brushes this off. I want to know if I am wasting my time or if I should continue to be patient? Through out our relationship I have hardly seen his parents/family. I could count on one hand the amount of time that I have seen them. I do not think that his parents have any interest in our relationship and I feel like this is preventing him from taking the steps needed toward marriage. Another thing I should mention is that they are of a different culture. My boyfriend has also hinted to me many times that once he gets his MBA, he will go join his father in their native country to help run the family business. But, where does that leave me? I am not completely opposed to going to there, yet I have not been asked if I would like to follow him there either. Any advise that you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 6:10am

I wouldn't wait any longer for him if I were you. Not only has he not indicated that he actually WANTS you to be part of his long term future, but it would appear that the two of you have terrible communication. Why do you stay with him when he dismisses something that is so important to you? (And you have every right to know where a relationship is headed - simply so that you can plan your life more easily)

I'd say that you've been a lovely diversion for him while in your country, but the fact that he's never mentioned the option of you joining him when he returns to his native land indicates that he'll probably be looking for a bride of his own nationality when he returns.

If you seek marriage with him, you're wasting your time. Listen to what he's not saying.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2003
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 11:19pm

Just letting you know that I'm in the exact same situation as you, well almost. I've been with my BF close to 7 years now, and I recently moved in with him, only to find out he's chosen another place to live that I don't particularly care about. He didn't ask what I wanted at all either, I don't want to move there. I spoke to him about it, it took him a while to understand why I wouldn't want to move there,(basically I was pretty mad that he didn't ask about what I cared about and also because I would have liked to make the decision with him!) I explained it was a huge step for us to move to a new place, because we'd be there a long time etc and what would be next. Basically I wanted to know if we would be getting married. He eventually said that we would get engaged within a year, although I feel like he wouldn't have asked if I didn't say anything :(

So my advice to you is to talk it out and find out if your BF has you in his future plans. For me, it really came down to whether we love each other or not to stay together through this. It seems that he might just expect you to come along, or this is his way of letting you go. Maybe he knows you won't go with him to his country?

If it seems like he's not going to ask you, and seems opposed to it after 7.5 years of being together, I think it does mean something. I think by that time you should know if you both are meant for each other.

Hope this helps,
Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 1:20am
Well, I have not much for to add on the situation because I agree what has been posted. But, I will advise visiting the Interfaith/Interracial board. I frequent it a lot and see your type of post. I am currently in and Inter-racial and inter faith relationship but coutries do not divide us but I know this is great board for it. Here is the link post your questions there. http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlinterracia
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