runing scared?
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 01-17-2006 - 8:30pm |
I was dating this guy for about 2 months. Last Friday, totally out of the blue, he broke up with me. I think he got scared. He basically said he wasn't sure what it was he wanted and he didn't feel it was fair of him to string me along until he decided and he would hate to end up hurting me more down the road. I asked him if I’d done something wrong and he said no, I did everything right and also when he said he wanted to be friends he said that he has a blast hanging out with me… I know he meant it...he kept apologizing....it actually hurt him to say it almost as much as it hurt me to hear it. Anyway so 2 days later he messaged me to chat....."small talk" you know...hey what's up? how was your weekend. He made a point of telling me h was home by !0:30 pm Saturday night. Maybe it's wishful thinking on my part, but it almost sounded like he missed me. This was, after all, the first Saturday we spent apart since before we met.....The funniest part of all of this was I went through something similar in the first few weeks we were dating. At first I only went out with him to get my mind off this other guy i'd just starting dating …the night he asked me out was the same day this other guy blew me off (long story, won't get into it lol)….I had told him about it so he said we should go out. I figured stay home and cry or go out with this guy? F* it…so I said okay…I didn’t expect to actually have a good time. In fact, I got into his car that night and right away said, I’m not going to like this guy lol... So much for that! Then I starting to worry that maybe I was just trying to replace guy 1 with him and I thought I should break up with him….then guy 1 came back and I just didn’t want him anymore…so that scared me even more because I realized that I wasn’t trying to replace guy 1 and that I really was starting to like him and that was worse because that meant he could hurt me…so then again I said I was going to end it….then Christmas came and he gave me this really sweet card and everything and I thought am I crazy? This guy really cares about me and I’m going to throw it away for what? Because I’m scared? So I just told myself stop worrying about it and just go with it….turns out around the same time I did that he wasgetting scared.
Is there anything I can do to change his mind or is this just something he needs to figure out on his own? Help!!

I think if what he is saying is true, then you need to let him figure it out on his own. Trying to change his mind is likely to just come off as being pushy and to backfire on you.
I would also just caution you to be careful that you don't put your whole life on hold waiting for him to make a decision because there is no guarantee that he will make the decision you want to hear. I also can't help but think that he might already know that his feelings for you don't go beyond friendship, but that he is telling you he doesn't know what he wants as a way to let you down easier. Even if he really is confused about his feelings at this point, if he's confused enough to the point of breaking up with you over it, there is a good chance that he will come to the conclusion that he didn't have the feelings for you that he should have.
I am not saying that you need to go out and have a rebound relationship to get over him, but you should stay open to the possibility if other guys come along. You might also want to put off being friends with him for a while if you find that you are really emotional about him at this point and wanting to read too much into everything he says.
By the way, do you know if there is another girl in the picture right now? If he just met somebody new or an ex just came back into his life, that could be another reason for his stepping back from things.