prenuptual agreements

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
prenuptual agreements
12
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 9:04am
Hi, just wondering if anyone has any personal stories of prenuptual agreements???? I am a 30 year old woman who just recently broke off an engagement because I would not sign the one my ex-fiance gave me. I asked him to change on one issue in the agreement and he would not. It was either sign as is or no wedding...and look where I am now. My lawyer who I gave the agreement to was like uh you are crazy to sign as is. I know these agreements are becoming more and more popular among couples. I just hope I made the right decision. Believe me I am not out for money, I just want to be treated like a fair and equal partner, like marriage should be. Any advice or info would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Mich

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 9:14am
You did a good thing, if this guy won't change the pre nup, you shouldn't go through with it. Smart Girl! You'll find down the road when this guy is out of your life, you'll know you did the right thing. If this guy can't work with you, you shouldn't be with him. Move on and find someone who will treat you with the respect you want. Don't think about the what if, or maybe he'll change, well I'll go and deal with the pre nup as is. Trust me, if you went through with it, you will be miserable, and you will reget it! Your laywer says it's crazy, and you seem to think the same way, trust you feelings and what people around you are saying, more times than not...they are right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 10:20am

mich302006...

Pianoguy knows men (and a few women) who INSIST on "a pre-nup" prior to marriage. Call it a form of insurance that if their union doesn't work...EVERYTHING ISN'T GONNA BE SUBJECTED TO A 50/50 SPLIT. .

To be honest, I don't advocate nor am I against a pre-nup. If a person has worked hard to acquire a rare stamp, coin or CD collection...does it have to be shared when you suddenly go from single to married? Sharing stuff together and holding on to what you've owned earlier is a tough call!

However...

It seems (to me) that the PNP (PRE-NUP PROCESS) should be an equal option for both partners? If a man insists that a woman not claim something of his prior to marriage...then shouldn't the women have the chance to stake her claim for a material object (or 2) at the same time?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 11:39am
Can you be more specific as to what it was that you didn't like about the pre-nup? Maybe this way you can receive more accurate opinions.
BABY #3!!
 
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 12:40pm

You absolutely did the right thing. You had a lawyer tell you you'd be crazy to sign it as is, and a guy who didn't love you or respect you enough to adjust one point in it. He was looking out for himself, and the way he was doing so was by not looking out for you, the woman he was supposed to love.

In my own opinion, I would NEVER sign ANY prenup. To me it's a clause to the marriage convenent in preparation for it to fail. It shows a lack of trust in the relationship. It shows that you are going into it not having the attitude that it's until "death do us part".

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 12:42pm

She posted on the Ask the relationship saver board too. It explains a litle more here:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlrelationsh&msg=24376.1

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 1:32pm
Thanks Kinky for the link! Now to the OP, seeing what he put in that pre-nup you DEFINITELY did the right thing. That is horrible for him to put in there that if he was to die you would get nothing. That is so selfish of him and shows what type of husband he would be in the future. Good job in listening to your head instead of following your heart which would eventually be broken if you would have gone through with the marriage. I wish you luck and one day you will find a man that will want to provide for you both when he is alive and when he is gone.
BABY #3!!
 
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 1:35pm

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Unfortunately there are so many golddiggers out there that have burned successful men that they have ruined it for the good gals who are marrying for love. If a man is successful I can see why he would want to protect himself. I mean look at the statistics in the divorce rates they are huge so marriage nowadays (sadly) is not "death do us part" anymore.

BABY #3!!
 
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 2:49pm
Yes let me give you alittle more info about this agreement. Basically there were many issues in there I was willing to sign and agree with. They were, waiving my rights to no alimony, waiving my rights to any part of his business or the interest that acrues on it during our marriage, I waived my rights to any of his properties and again the interest that acrues on his property during our marriage. All these issues I did not have a problem with. They are his and he worked hard for them and if we were to divorce I feel I am not entitled to them. I make my own good money myself. Here are two major issues I had a problem with. In the agreement he had put in that I would have to waive my spousal rights to any of his assets or businesses in the event of his untimely death! To me that is absurd, I am good enough to be his wife but if he were to die, I waive my rights to all his things. Whether it be 100 or 1 million dollars, how could you not want your wife to have it. I would give him my last red cent if I died, he is my family. The second thing I had a problem with was the fact that he had put in there I would have to be out of the house in 2 WEEKS if were separated!!!! Those were my two issue he could not compromise on. Everything else I agreed with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 2:54pm

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What!!!!!!! that is soooo crazy it is almost unbelieveable that he went that far. He must think that you are going to try and kill him to keep all his money. That is the only thing I can think of for him to put something that hideous in there. I'm glad you left him, you're one smart woman! :)

BABY #3!!
 
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 3:30pm
Thanks bella, I know in the long run it was the right thing to do. It is just so frustrating when you think for the last two years you had the person you are meant to be with for the rest of your life. I am sure I will find Mr. Right someday!!!!!

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