think well go anywhere from here? SSL!
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think well go anywhere from here? SSL!
| Mon, 01-30-2006 - 7:27pm |
so im dating this guy who ive known for over a year he happens to be MY bestfriends husbands bestfriend! if that made any sense lol. well when we first met we were kinda friends with benefits (no sex) but then i dont even know what happen but we like hated each other we always faught and yelled at each other. well hes in the navy so him and my best friends hubby went on west pac and when they got back my best friend and her hubby were going to dinner with my family so i invited my guy as my date and we have spent almost every day together since! he lives at my house and everything. EXCEPT, well when we first started seeing each other again (that was june) he didnt want an actual boyfriend girlfriend relationship because he was supposed to be sent to chicago for school for the navy but then they said they werent going to send him now they are (he doesnt know when yet hes waiting for the next guys in charge to approve his paperwork) and its not guaranteed hell be sent back to SD (where we live) after school. so that was understandable to me...well we have gotten sooooooooooooooooooo much closer and i love this guy with all my heart. if he asked me tomorrow to marry him i would do it, if he asked me to go to chicago with him married or not i would do it. i love this guy! but we still arent exclusive. and thats what i really want. until recently any time he talked about the future he would always say "if i know you then" like he didnt really want me in his future but now when we talk about the future im involved in everything to do with his future. i've never told him i love him and recently we went out to dinner and he aksed me if i remembered a time when he had a restaurant sing happy bday to me even tho it wasnt my bday and i said yes and he said " that was the night you fell in love with me huh" ok this guy NEVER mentions love so that really shocked me i was speechless! i didnt know what to say so i just laughed and the waiter came so i tried changing the subject and he stuck with it he said "its true thats why youre blushing" so he knows i love him and he continues to stay close to me and keep getting closer. do you think we will ever get anywhere farther than where we are now?!?! sorry its so long but i had to explain the history! so please any advice, opinions on my situation would be grateful! thanks!

There's nothing to explain:
You have a place to live - he doesn't. You have a job - he's in the navy. He won't agree to exclusivity - because he's not being sexually faithful. He doesn't want obligation and commitment to you and your needs or goals.
But you'e offering up your body, your living quarters, and everything in life you have to make his life right now more comfortable, convenient, and easy.
Which is great.........and now he's said "is that when you fell in love with me" - and you've responded by "blushing"....as if this were some romantic exchange.
Basically...here's how he views you. And I'm going to be kind...because I doubt it's this positive.
He going "she's a nice girl, and she lets me live there without obligation in any way, and I'm in a state of flux with the navy and the school thing and I get sex, a bed, food, and use of everything that's a convenience. She's a nice girl. I'm sure she'll find someone that can appreciate her, but I sure don't want a relationship."
I honestly believe it's more like he figures you're not very bright because you've literally given up everything you've got to the access of a total stranger becuase he was willing to sleep with you in a non-exclusive arrangement.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
HEre's the thing you're not seeing:
He has a job, he has money, he has his freedom and he has options in life professionally, professionally, etc.
So he's NOT afraid to go out and "get what he wants in life" - what he doesn't want is a relationship and he's found a situation whre has no obligation of relationship in parameters, but he's got the benefits of a relationship in dynamic interaction.
HE's not using you.....he's just hanging out and hooking up with you because he's not sure where his life is giong right now and he doesn't want youto think he's "considering" including you in his future.
He's pursuing his future - and he's having sex and fun with you - while he's pursuing that future. But when what he wants is elsewhere, he'll pick up and move on - without a backward glance.
Stand back and look at it objectively....he has a GREAT situation...it's like an "affair" in a sense.
Only the "wife" in his life is named "options and opportunities" - and hes committed to that personally and professionally without obligation to you. You're what he enjoys on the side, when he has time, because he has nothing else pressing that is presenting itself as desirable at this time.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com