Caught in the Middle
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| Mon, 01-30-2006 - 7:33pm |
I posted yesterday about a problem that I'm having with a guy that I was dating. I pasted it at the bottom of this page. Yesterday he called me up and said that he thought I was lying about where I got the info from that he was married. He thought that I read his email. I kept saying over and over to him that I would not lie about that one bit. He ended up calling me a liar and deceptive, and said to pack his stuff up and he's coming over to get it. I said it was fine- he got his stuff and then said to me that he can't be in this relationship because we come from "different worlds." He said that he doesn't have a lot of money and my family does- so he can't do this. Then he said he's not ready for a girlfriend. I tried calling him later that night to explain to him that I was not lying about where I got the info from, and he just started yelling at me.
As for the whole birth control issue, when I brought it up to him- he said that there was no way I could get pregnant and I'm worrying about nothing. He said that since I was mad about him asking to see my pills, that I derived this whole plan to make up where I got the info from that he was married.
This morning I woke up and saw I had texts from him and a voice mail- all of him saying that he was so sorry for what happened and that he believes me. He went from calling me deceptive and a liar last night, to saying I'm trustworthy today. I told him that he's too much for me and I can't do this. He then said that he thought I was breaking up with him last night, so he thought he'd "do it first."
He has been calling me all day literally SOBBING telling me how much he wants me and how much he screwed up. He keeps asking what he can do to get me back. I told him I don't think that I can handle all this drama and I don't want someone who is going to accuse me at the drop of a hat. I do feel though that he is being sincere when he says he is sorry and he screwed up.
Now, here's the hard part. I have been thinking a lot about my ex who still calls me, and I feel myself wanting to get back with him. Our relationship was so comfortable and broken in, but we did have our share of differences. I still care about him a lot. When I was dating that other guy, I felt myself missing my ex..a lot.
Should I give this new guy a chance, or should I resort back to my ex?
Old post:
After breaking up with my boyfriend of three years a couple of months ago; I started seeing another guy about a month ago. We hit it off right from the start, and have literally spent every day and night together. We are both students at the same school; I'm an undergrad and he's a grad student.
He has done sort of "odd" things; things that really send up red flags for me. When we started dating, I was not on any kind of birth control pill. I didn't want to take ANY chances, so I said we have to use protection. It was almost like he ignored what I said, and tried to get away with it. I started going on the pill about 3 weeks ago, and my doctor told me to be very careful the first 2 weeks so that the pills can kick in. This time when I told him that info, he pretty much refused to use anything. He kept saying "you're so going to get pregnant."
He stays at my apartment every single night, and just shows up after he has class. It was nice the first few weeks, but now it's getting a little bit annoying. After about 2 weeks of dating, he was already talking about moving in together this summer.
A couple of days ago, I was speaking to a friend who I haven't seen in years, who happens to know him. He told me that my boyfriend was married when he was an undergrad to a girl who he met on craigslist. He said they dated for a month and got married- then she left him after 3 months of marriage. My friend was very nice about it- he definately was not trying to cause problems. He did say though, that my boyfriend liked to meet girls on craigslist... a lot.
I'm a little mad that he didn't tell me this up front. Am I overreacting? If I knew that he was married, I would never have continued the relationship. I know that might sound a bit selfish, but I don't want to possibly be someone's second wife. I want my husband and I to be eachother's first.
I asked him about it yesterday and he got really defensive. He ended up telling me that he was once married and never thinks about her. I had no idea how to react- he just kind of blew it off and made it seem like nothing happened.
I really don't think that I want to continue this relationship. Is it wrong to not want to be in a relationship with someone who was married to someone they met on the internet? All of his things are at my apartment, so it's a little bit hard to just call him and talk to him about it and be done with it.
My ex and I broke up after a pretty big fight. We really did love eachother, but I felt that it was best for me to move on. Now I feel myself missing him... a lot.

Yeah this guy is screwed up. And he REALLY needs some professional help.
I understand your feelings on all the drama, TRUST ME... I do. If you really want to get the information if he was married or not, I would run a background check, there's plenty of websites out there that you can use. Who knows you may find more stuff on there that you didn't know. I would honestly get rid of everything that reminds you of him and move on with your life. This dude is messed up in the head if he's freaking out about a 3 month marriage, yeah it might be embarrsing to him, but he seems to still be having a problems with it. Here's something to ask yourself...do you REALLY want to be with someone that freaks out like that...who can't talk to you about certain things. God knows what else is going on with this guy, he could be bipolar, which in that case I would run far far away. It seems this guy is causing WAY too much drama and stress in your life...which for that you DONT NEED!
You need to not sit there and make excuses for yourself by thinking of going backwards to the ex...you need to go forward. With your old BF, it's great that he's calling you and talking to you after a long RL. Of course your going to want to go back to your old ex, but do you really want to SETTLE for the ex? I just got out of a 3.5 yr RL that I ended... and no I wouldn't want to go back. I know that I need to move on, and get over him...but hopefully down the road we will be good friends.
DONT EVER SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST....I would move on from this guy, remove/block any IM's/e-mail/phone if you can...and wish him well in life and tell him not to contact you anymore...dont call him after that.. done contact him asking how he's doing...just cut all ties.
Recommendation: I would recommend match.com to find some good people to date, it's starting to help me to move on from my ex. I've met someone whom I'm really interested in. But I'm taking things slow. Granted, I love my ex, and want to spend as much time as possible with him, but ex's need space from each other..so that they can get over each other. You need to find someone new to get over the old one....good luck!
....."Should I give this new guy a chance, or should I resort back to my ex?"..... You make it sound as if these are your only options.
I completely understand, thank you everyone for your comments- they really have helped.
I was careful with my body. I wasn't too clear with the whole situation, when he tried to ignore me about that issue, he jokingly said "youre so going to get pregnant." I never let him go forward with that. I was just very annoyed that he wouldn't listen to me. It never got to that point.
....."I was careful with my body. I wasn't too clear with the whole situation, when he tried to ignore me about that issue, he jokingly said "youre so going to get pregnant." I never let him go forward with that. I was just very annoyed that he wouldn't listen to me. It never got to that point.".....
Glad to hear it :)