I told him I love him..now what?
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 02-02-2006 - 11:44am |
Ok, so I guess I need to just see if I am feeling what I should be feeling....
Long story short.....been dating 4 months, spend EVERY weekend together(we have not missed ONE) and usually one or two nights a week(we would spend more, but our living situations do not permit that). He treats me like no one has ever treated me.
I know he cares. He is having some issues now with being laid off, living situation, child care, but it is just a set back.
I told him I loved him..he said he feels the same, but it isn't fair to me for him to say it back right now, because he feels he doesn't have anything to offer me......He says he is happy I told him and he is thrilled I feel this way.
He has always been nothing but honest with me and my heart and head says that he is sincere but a tiny part of me wonders if it a case of "it isn't you it is me" BS.
Thoughts? :)

My thoughts are, what is the big deal? Just because you feel a certain way about someone doesn't mean they have to feel it back. But, he said he feels the same just his circumstances now would be unfair to you. So how do you take that as "it's not you but me?" He did not say OK and change the subject. He validated your feelings as being real and explained where he is at. Why blow it all over the place. Accept he cares because his actions and his words have matched from what you've posted. Just because he did not give youa huge hug and say "Oh, I've been waiting for you to tell me because I wanted to say the same thing" did not happen. If you read many posts on many many boards even the married ones the guy did not give the response the woman was looking for. Guys say it when they want. I am at 9 mos with my guy and I think he has said it 2 times. His big things is "you know how I feel". I could take that to mean a lot but I do not. I know how he feels because I know him. I don't say it often may have said it 3 times because it is not a big deal.
I'm sorry...he what...LOST his job? Has a less than desirable living situation? AND has children to support??? Oh my LORD the pressure this poor man is under!!!
There is a very real aspect to every man's person that is his pride. He is the leader, the provider, the initiator, the caretaker. When he lost his job, I'm sure he felt most of that was stripped away from him - possibly with little to no time to prepare emotionally or financially.
The fact that he is able to include you as part of his life at this difficult time is *very* impressive to me. Most men would probably opt for what is "easier" and omit what he doesn't feel is essential to his own well-being.
What he would appreciate most until he's on his feet again (and his confidence is regained) is your love and support. If you can give this to him without expectations today, I can almost guarantee it will pay the relationship back in spades.
Just catching back up with the boards & happened to see a reply to this message (to me I think) from my response to someone else....I think I need to clarify my response....I explained my situation with my BF wayyy back...I mentioned he was unhappy in his career & that is why he said he couldn't be with me....as far as "losing" his Job, No, he left eventually and Nope, he wasn't supporting children or anything...he is a single man supporting his BMW, his lifestyle of traveling with "the guys". SO think I was misunderstood...my (ex) guy had the life of riley.....I now now..many months later how selfish he actually is while I was giving & loving....and STUPID...hey, we live & learn-you know & hopefully move forward without making the same mistakes again.
My Best to you all, Sweetie