Never Changing Relationship....Drinking?
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| Fri, 02-03-2006 - 9:08am |
Here goes my issue......
My "boyfriend" and I have been together a little more than a year. We get along great, do a lot together and have many of the same interests. About 4-5 months ago, we decided that it would be the "economical" thing for us to do to move in together. This has been working out great. Not many arguements nor disagreements. However, there are two issues with this....one is that I do not see our relationship moving farther anymore. I see it now that I moved in with him and we share everything together, there is no more movement. There used to be a lot of talk about "marriage and families" but, lately, there hasnt been any. Should I say something or let it go?? I just dont want him to think that I am going to be ok with this lifestyle forever!
Next, it seems that my BF has taken up drinking a lot more than past. We used to "drink" casually, very casually. Lately, it seems as if he has been drinking a lot....I am talking either a 12pk of beer a night or a 1/2 gallon of wine....This is a problem to me and when I try to talk to him about it, he tells me that he knows he has been drinking more and will cut down. This works for about a week and then right back to square one again. I dont understand what happened.
I hope someone can help me out with this.....

Sounds like your boyfriend (why was that in quotes btw??) might be depressed, or an alcoholic. Either way, if you love him, you must speak up and tell him that it's hurting you and the relationship to watch him drink his life away and that you want him to get help. Word it however you think he'll take it best, but it must be said.
As for the relationship moving forward, why should it? He's got the benefits and perks of a wife with out the responsibility, obligations, or committments of one. There's no reason compelling him to marry you, he's not going to gain anything that he doesn't already have. And you agreed to the shacking up arrangement which tells him that you're okay in this situation. So long as you don't speak up on this issue and say that it's not one you want to remain in, that you want to set a date, and make it a real committment, then you'll stay where you are. So speak up. He loves you right? He should be able to handle an adult deep uncomfortable conversation.
Let me ask you this...did you move into a place where your name is on the lease or is it both? You need to have a serious conversation with him, he seems to have something on his plate that he doesn't want to share with you. I know if I started to drink like that it would be because there's a pain in my life that I want to numb out or get rid of. Is he having money problems, job problems...etc? Being that you said it was the "economical" thing to do...was this both what you wanted together?
I think one of the things that you need to think about is if the RL is going no where like you said, then why are you still in it? Do you think he'll change, get help, you want to be there for him, do you want to stay in it just to say you have a BF and your living together. I had a situation with my ex at one point where he talked about getting a place, getting married, etc...and then after a while he stopped talking about marriage, starting talking about a place that "he" was going to get (which he can't afford the way is going right now)...and a lot of that hurt because he had no regard for my feelings.
I would ask him what his problems are, and if he's not going to talk about it and doesn't seek help, make the choice to move out. If you are both on a lease, that may be a problem...I would talk to the leasing people about that to see what you can do. If your not on any lease with him or it's under his name, you can make the choice to bring movers in one day while he works..move everything out...and move on. I would exhaust all options first before dumping him, only you can make the choice and only when you're ready to.
He can only make the choice to change...you can tell him to get help, you can't force him. Good Luck...just know that when you do make the choice remember not to look back, and move on with your life!