ACT NOW OR LATER?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
ACT NOW OR LATER?
3
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 11:29am

Good morning,

I posted here last week about my bf of 6 mths needing space b/c of my childish antics. Well its been a week since all of the drama started and while it seems likes he pulled back, he's also near (if that makes sense).

For example, I only spent 2 days with him last week, I usually spend 3-4. Our phone conversations were really short ( he wasn't rude just not interested in seeing me).

Now I've been beating myself up for playing such a stupid joke and how I wish I had not have done it. He spent this past weekend with his friends, he touched on the subject of us hanging out but nothing definite. My gfs think I should sit him down and have a talk to see if we're still on the same page. I want too but I'm also wondering if it would be viewed as being pushy. Seeing as though, I'm the one that created the mess, I want to give things time to settle down but i also don't want to ignore a potential problem.

What should i do?

Thanks,
e.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 1:59pm

I would suggest you have a short talk to him about what you both want out of this "new" time. HOWEVER, I'd also ask him to SCHEDULE it with you. Just tell him, "I'd like to talk about our expectations of what is going on right now, when is good for you".

Then when you do talk to him, see where he stands NOW, what expectations HE has, etc. I would probably otherwise, back off and let things just flow for another couple of weeks. He needs to feel like he can trust you, and know if he wants to be with you. I kow that's rough, but well, sometimes we do it to ourself, which means, we have to be patient, understanding, and give him space.

And if you do schedule a talk, it should be 20 mins or less. And you should accept his position even if it's not what you want, but at the same time, asking him what he wants, and if you are on the same page of working thru this, of bakcing off, or what.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 3:12pm
What's the best approach to do this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 6:04pm

Do you guys email a lot? I'd say, maybe email. Just say, "i'd like to discuss how to fix this, and what approach to take. When are you open? Can we schedule something?" If you don't feel email is good (see, for my bf, he likes it this way better, via email), then I'd call and even if it's a VM say, "I'm grateful that you are willing to stick it out, but I'd like to discuss how to fix this, our expectations, etc. A short talk, no more than 30 mins. Could we schedule something for this weekend, or next to talk about this?"

Just let him know it'll be short. Give him time to think about it. At least a week. Minimum 5 days. Allow him to choose a date. Tell him you appreciate him staying with you. And let him know you'd like to talk about expectations and how to fix it.

I believe it's okay to take it slow or take a step back. But when no one knows what the expectation of the "step back" is, then one party is going to get very frustrated, and the other is going to go with the flow and not think twice.

My only other comment to you, would be to ask yourself WHY you did what you did, if you need to work on yourself more, and if those things will ever happen again. You'll have to regain his trust, and if you want him, you're going to have to give a lot, for a bit, while he gives not much. hugs. and good luck. i hope that helped.