love me love me not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
love me love me not?
3
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 12:29am
hey everyone,
my name is ashley and im 21 and my bf is 20. we love each other and get into fights like any couple. sometimes hell get really mad at me bc i can be a little immature and he will say "if this is how ur gonna act than maybe we shoudlnt be together" i can also be a little selfish sometimes and he will get mad and say that maybe we need a break if ur gonna continue like this...but sometimes he gets mad for no reason.. like i call him a pet name that he HATES and hell yell at me and say "didnt i tell u not to say that?" i really want this to work...so i take what he says and remember not to do it again....he has ashort temper so.....but anyway... sometimes well be making love and he will tell me to "promise him to never leave him" or hell say that randomly when we are just holding each other...hes never been a serious relationship before......so idk why he contradicts himself?
thx
ashley
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 1:00am
Who the hell does this guy think he is? Ike Turner? I've been in my share of relationships, and what this sounds like here is a classic case of a controlling boyfriend. He's using the threat of a break-up to control what you say and do. But then he'll turn around in a tender moment of passion and make you "promise him to never leave him". Sounds to me like he's more scared of losing you than you are of losing him. But at the same time he knows that if he mentions breaking up in the heat of an arguement that it'll take the wind out of your sails and you'll back down almost instantly. He wins. So right now I'm encouraging you to call his bluff. Next time this guy utters the phrase, "if this is how ur gonna act than maybe we shoudlnt be together" look him in the eye and say "Know what? You're right." and walk away. I guarentee he'll be standing outside your bedroom window holding a stereo over his head within the hour. Controlling men are ALL snivling sissies underneath it all. After all, they would have no need to act that way unless they were scared of losing the upper-hand. But if you want my opinion, I would leave this guy and his time-bomb temper behind, and go for a guy who is honored to be at the recieving end of your pet-names. You do not deserve to be treated talked to in such a way and under no circumstances should you put up with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 3:58am

>>we love each other and get into fights like any couple<<

I have to admit that I got stuck on the phrase " get into fights like any couple". It sounds like you are trying to justify to yourself that this behaviour is quite normal/common.

Hate to disillusion you, but not all couples fight. And of those couples that do fight, those who are in good relationships do it without yelling or threatening to leave. Instead, one partner raises a point and they discuss it together calmly and rationally.

There's a fair bet that his immature behaviour is a learned action. Perhaps his father is a yeller and insulter. Perhaps he's got limited communication skills and resorts to this type of behaviour because he doesn't know any other way to act. But whatever the cause, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Your two choices are to put up with it or leave.

If I were you, I'd leave. Not all relationships are meant to work. Love is not enough....a couple also needs to be able to have good communication.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 5:41pm
This man has issues. His behavior is not normal and should not be justified. This is not a healthy relationship. You should not feel the need to change just because he cannot control his temper. Why are you acting as if you're the problem? He should be the one trying to change. If women took notice of such warning signs early on, we would save ourselves so much time and heartache.