Booty call or something more?
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| Thu, 02-09-2006 - 9:42am |
I started seeing someone in March of last year, my last semester in college. It was obvious that he was really into me when we first met. He took me out (which college guys rarely do nowadays), brought me litte gifts, sent "I'm thinking of you messages" and NEVER tried to thave sex with me the 6 weeks we were seeing eachother. But I had gone through an extremely painful breakup the month prior and wasn't interested in getting into anything serious. He would tell me that I was 'closed' and never opened up, but I wasn't at the point where I was willing to open up. Anyway, summer comes around and we go almost the entire time without talking. Turns out he was seeing someone else. Which is fine because I wasn't exactly sitting at home during this time. We ended up in the same city in the Fall. We started a sexual relationship. Friends with benefits. In October he told me he was still seeing the girl from the summer and feelings were involved, but he really liked me. I didn't probe into it too much. I basically said, 'ok. thanks for letting me know.' This is one of the problems he has with me. My not asking questions and wanting to know more. But it's been hard for me to put myself out there.
After he told me about his relationship with the other girl I decided to take myself out of the situation. We didn't see eachother for almost 2 months without although he would call every now and then. Recently he started calling A LOT more. Almost every day. I just assumed he was horny and wanted to have sex. Then one night he calls and says we need to have a talk. I really can't remember much of what he said. He told me he stopped seeing the other girl and that he wasn't saying that he wanted me to be his girlfriend but contrary to what I think about him, he likes to be monogomous with whomever he's sleeping with. I guess he was saying he wanted to sleep with me exclusively. I didn't give much of a response which irritated him. I thought he would stop calling but he kept calling....just to talk, sometimes asking to see me after work or to hang out with me and my friends. He called Sunday morning and I finally agreed to see him later in the afternoon. I went over expecting sex because that's what we do. He was all over me from the moment he saw me. Kissing, hugging, and being playful. We ended up watching a movie and cuddling. No sex. After he suggested we grab something to eat. It was strange becuase we hadn't done anything like that since last year.
Is he interested in having more than sex with me? or is he trying to act like he doesn't want to have sex with me, but that's still all he's interested in? I guess I'm confused because somewhere along the line I started caring about him. do you think we have the potential of being more than just sex buddies, and if so how do i go about this?
Edited 2/9/2006 11:15 am ET by alibabab

Id have to say, that maybe his is looking to be more than "sex buddies". Maybe its his way of finding out if you have things in common with each other, besides the sex. Maybe the best thing for you to do, is to have a talk with him. Let him know, that you two have been doing this dance for awhile now, and the dance needs to change. You have to decide first what you want with him. Do you want him? Do you want just a sex buddy? Once you determine what you want, then you can have a disscussion with him to find out what he's looking for.
If you want more than sex with him, and he doesnt want the same, take my advice and walk away. Your a young woman, with so much out there for you. Theres a whole world waiting for you right now, dont put yourself in a painful relationship that means nothing to just you.
See Ive been there, Im 45 years old and I have a son your age!! I put myself in a relationship like that, it changed to more than a sex buddy, but it still hasnt turned into the relationship that I want. I dont think it ever will, Im involved with a man that cant seem to committ. Everytime we get close he turns away, and it hurts. It leaves me wondering all the time, if its something I do. At this point Ive realized its not ME! Its HIM!! Now I have to find the strength to walk away. I love him, he told me he loves me, but sometimes its just not enough.
Im telling you this, because if I had walked months ago instead of having this Friends with Benefits relationship from the start, I wouldnt be in this mess today. This man has been in my life for almost a year, and I cant imagine life without him right now. But Ill never have what I really want him, that much I do beleive.
Good luck,
Susan
alibabab...
Just for the heck of it....PG suggests you take a little survey.
Count the number of times the 2 of you actually go out on a "real date"----as opposed to spending time at your place or his? If one arrangement outweighs the other, you'll know if there's a serious interest (in you) on his part....or if you're only a 'sexual diversion' to him?
If you're starting to feel like S-E-X is all he's interested in...and you want more than SEX in the relationship...become a BIG GIRL.........and DUMP HIM!
Pianoguy
>>Is he interested in having more than sex with me? or is he trying to act like he doesn't want to have sex with me, but that's still all he's interested in?<<
It sounds like the answer is easy to discover. You've got a guy who's a communicator and one who wants you to communicate, so what you have to do is TALK to him. The ball is in your court - when you open up - or at least ask some questions, you'll have the tools to discover what's going on. While you don't ask, you'll never know the answer.
>>Then one night he calls and says we need to have a talk. I really can't remember much of what he said.<<
This statement is troubling me. I'm not trying to be rude here, but it seems like you do could do with some good listening strategies along with learning to open up. Receptive language is as important as expressive language.
However, at the end of my advice, if you can't open up to him or won't ask questions - then he's either the wrong guy....or you need some individual counselling to help you sort out your communication issues.
I'm afraid he may still have strong feelings for the other person.
Dont u see that the only way you can find this out is to talk to him. You need him to be honest with you, and of course no matter what he tells you, then u need to decide if he's being honest or not.
There came a time in the relationship that Im in, which I told u about in my post, that I saw things change. I was so afraid to ask him about her and him. I needed to know the truth no matter how hard it was to handle. I knew going into the conversation that if I was wrong and she was still in his life, that I had to walk away right that minute. You have to know what you want, then talk to him, then follow through. I know its hard, but the truth is better than not knowing!!
Edited 2/14/2006 6:29 pm ET by alibabab
It sounds like he sees you as more than a booty call and less that a GF. He likes you, appreciates the time you spend together...but that doesn't mean he can't and won't pick up and leave at the end of the six months with a kiss and a "it was great".
If you're truly ok with sex and companionship with no future, then absolutely continue just as you are...he sounds like a good guy.
Sheri