Today's Topic: The Relationship Vault

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Today's Topic: The Relationship Vault
1
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 1:10pm
A friend (Friend A) called me the other day to complain about
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 3:43pm

<< how do you feel about your SO telling his/her friends your details, intimate or not? >>

IMO, it's a big "no-no" ... that is, it's disrespectful to me and our relationship to divulge intimate details about US. If my SO needs someone to talk to, an objective opinion or advice, etc ... at the very least, talk to someone who doesn't know ME.

As for whom I confide in, I know who the FEW friends I have are who would NOT divulge our private conversations. A confidante is a confidante. Secrets aren't meant to be shared. Not with an SO or anyone. IMO, that's not hiding or keeping something from your SO. As, it has nothing to do with you or your SO. Thus, telling your SO doesn't do anything other than break the confidence/trust of the friend who confided in you.

I have a friend (female) who is very open about sharing details. And quite honestly, it makes me uncomfortable. First and foremost, I didn't ASK to know. And, do I want to know how good (or bad) he is in bed, how big his wanky is? No, not really ... it just seems a little gratuitous to share those things. And disrespectful to the guy she's dating. Particulary because the next time I see him, I'm now thinking "he's a two-pump chump" ... did I NEED to know that? Nope. But, is it in my brain now. Yep. And I'd rather not know, kwim? (it's not MY business).

IMO, let's say she's venting about his penis size or that the sex is umm, over with rather quickly, well then ... is sharing that with ME or any of our other friends going to change that? Umm, no ... not so much. So, what's the point of sharing that ... other than just venting about it. It's up to the individual to decide what he/she is going to do about it, and I really don't think that sharing that info is appropriate. If a person needs to vent or wants objectivity, go to a counselor. Or, talk to someone who doesn't know the other person. But, quite frankly, I think that some people are quite simply just lacking in a "self-censor" button. Intimate details are just that ... intimate ... private ... not meant to be shared with the world. So, I don't see the point of venting about it.