From Hot to Cold*** How Could It Be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2006
From Hot to Cold*** How Could It Be?
2
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 10:58am

Well here's the situation: ( Kinda Long; Sorry )

I met someone online towards the end of January 2005. We immediately connected and we then exchanged numbers and began to converse via phone. It was a few weeks before we met, but then we ended up meeting when I invited him to come see me one evening after work. Things became connected with us and we were off to such a great start. We had established a pattern that, because we live an hour away from each other, we would see each other (1) night during the work week (Normally Wednesdays) and then every weekend. So that's the type of pattern that we set up for ourselves. We both gave this alot of time and was really devoted to it.

This carried on for 4 months. I then wanted MORE from him; I wanted a commitment, so I asked him what was our status at this point; he proceeded to tell me that we were "more than friends, but not yet exclusive". Therefore, I kept my options open to date others, because I said , well, I guess we have an open relationship at this point. I guess he later thought about what he said, and 2 weeks later told me that "he loved me". I didn't acknowledge that either way, and he became upset.

Things after this were ok, but I was upset that he wasn't ready to commit to me totally! So anyway, the month of June, I established a profile on this other dating site and ironically a friend of his(female) told him about it and he runs across my profile. I had pics on there, in which I was fully clothed of course. But he approaches me with the words that he's lost all respect for me and his perception has completely changed. He said that even though I was clothed, it was the way in which I took the pics and the captions that I placed on them. So anyway, this started a complete DOWNFALL with us. He didn't talk to me for a month, and after beggin' him to talk, he finally agreed, but we really didn't do anything but argue.

After this point, starting the month of August'05, he sent me a message on my computer asking if I still loved him, and of course I do, so I said yes....He then wanted to come see me over the upcoming weekend, so I allowed him and we had a nice time. Now, where this becomes confusing is he starts telling me about how he wants to work on he and I in hopes of solidifying our relationship, but he still continued not calling or coming to see me as often. The phone calls would come maybe once per week and I would not see him for 3 weeks or so.

My birthday was on 10 October in which he celebrated with me and told me that he wanted us to "still grow together", and how he didn't want just a causal situation with me anymore , he wanted to be exclusive....BUT, his actions thereafter didn't reflect that..I didn't speak with him anymore the remainder of the month and I was trying to figure out why. I tried contacting him several times; sometimes he'd answer with really nothing to say and other times, he wouldn't answer. So I left it alone.

Starting the month of November, I didn't see him or anything, he actually called me throughout the month a few times, but I didn't call him at all. So towards the end of the month, my grandfather passed away and he called and texted me to make certain I was fine; I'm so confused because he hadn't wanted to talk to me earlier. Anyway, he called my job the 1st Friday in December and wanted to talk. He was very irate at someone ( a female ) and I didn't understand why. All he told me was that, she was playing a game and it wasn't that serious...So, the next day, he asks to come see me and he wanted to stay over. I allowed him, with no sex involved and he began telling me that while his father had passed in September, he had a few friends that came over for comfort/ support. Well apparently, one of the "friends" was his ex girlfriend and they were together for 3 years but separated more than a year and a half ago because of her financial irresponsibilty among other things.....Anyway, the girl took his cell phone records and began calling people that he has talked to through the month to see what type of relationship they have had with him.....It was crazy, and I'm like ok....she didn't call me but why would she when he really didn't call me that much. So he was dealing with drama then. That was the last time I saw him; 3 Dec.2005.

Throughout the month of December, I questioned him about getting together and he would say yes, we could meet, but he'd back out at the last minute. I finally got so frustrated that he kept standing me up, so I just poured out all of my feelings to him. He basically told me that he had been staying away from me because everytime he talks to me or comes to see me, I always find a way to ask him " when will we see each other again"...He told me that there's more to life than love and that he wanted to take things slow with us but proceeding with caution.....He said that we didn't laugh or joke anymore, that I was always serious about this love thing. But how could I not be when I am used to talking to you everyday and then I don't see you for months on in.

Any rate, after this He made such a big deal about getting me a Christmas gift and I got him one to, but had I known that I wouldn't see him again, I would have kept my money. He knew that I was going away from the holidays and I kept telling him that we needed to get together to exchange gifts; it never happened. So I sent him an email askinghim what did he want me to do with his gift; he never responded; I even told him that I would mail it to him, but he wouldn't respond. He has spoken with me a few times in Jan/ Feb. He even let me knew that he was out in LA for his job on training and sent me a text to let me know he was on his way back home; my question was, why would he do that when he knows he don't want to see me.

This is a man that I care about so much and love him even more. We have shared some great moments and we have good times together; we have alot in common and we share the same goals in life; very compatible. We have discussed marriage and children....we're very happy in speaking on these subjects becuase we feel that we're at the prime of our lives where we need to seriously settle down and have a family. I just feel that he's so stubborn until he's not thinking clearly......

I welcome all replies on this one.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 11:28am

I think you should move on a find someone else who is available to you. It may just be me but I like attention and very impatient with chasing someone around. I am not up for it and all this you’ve been doing would have gotten old months ago. I’d move on and find someone who wanted me as much as I wanted them. Not me wanting them and they want me when it is convenient for them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 11:36am

You need to stop talking to this guy. He is showing you no respect at all. He basically wants you as a "backup", just in case...is that how you want to be treated?

Return the gift and get your money back, and block him from calling or emailing you.

Sheri