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| Tue, 02-21-2006 - 12:58pm |
Ok ive been on here before off and on the past 5 years. I have a bf that had very bad childhood. SO we were always on and off again, because he wasnt ready. I moved in with him for about a year and a half. He wanted to marry me and so on. But relationship started to go down hill sex stopped due to disfuction after he took me to look at rings in April . We had a fight i ended up moving out in Nov. He started going to therapy because he doesnt know how to show love or deal with it. He never had it growing up. Ok so hurricane wilma hit about a week after i left. We had talked everyday until then and saw each other once. He said it was very hard for him to see me. Then boom he felt too guilty to see me or talk to me after the hurricane. Its been months now. He braught me my mail last month and was affectionate but would come in my room for rent. Then he started popping up at the bar i would go to. Then he called. Now its been almost 3 weeks. The last time we saw each other he said he still loved me and missed me. He wouldnt kiss me but would hold my hand. I said to him i will find someone else since you dont want me, he said no that is not what i said. Well during the months we didnt talk i told him i did not want to be with him i just wanted my stuff. he stays at a house with 7 people he lost the apt from the storm and both our cars got damaged. He called my insurance company to take care of lack of money and called me when they called him. He used to text me if i text him. But i find myself lost. His best friend and i hang out on weekends. He says i have to make the move. What do i do. Help

First off, are you 2 still BF/GF or not? Since you have been on and off with this guy, and been through a lot together, I have a few things to say per your situation. After 5 years on/off and he STILL isn't ready, then why are you still hanging around with him and trying to be with him? I had an ex that had a messed up childhood, and I can see a lot of the aftermath from that in him. He's a good person, but he has a lot of issues to work through. It seems that you two need to have a lot of space and time to move on with your lives and to get over each other too. I know my ex has told me that he misses me/loves me, etc, but I know that I won't go back to him to the way things were. And that I need to date other people and told him to do the same. I know it's hard being with someone for so long, and talking about moving in/engagements/other things, but being that he can't put his money where his mouth is can be a bit discourging to you. I know the feeling.
I think what you need to face is that you 2 aren't meant to be together. He obviously has said that he missed you and stuff but wasn't ready for anything beyond living together. You should look at where he is in his life... is he established, does he have a "job" or a "career"...does he spend all his money on stuff he doesn't need...does he "play" with his friends a lot. Those should be some of the things you need to think about, cause if he doesn't have any of those together in his life, do you want to be with someone like that.
You need to wish him well in life, and move on. If he keeps calling you to make "small talk" and trying to find you at places that he knows you'll be, he's still hooked on you and misses you. Cut off all communication, no e-mail (get caller ID), no IM's, no nothing, someday he will get the point. Don't spend anymore energy wasting your time on someone that's not ready to put the time into you. It's not worth it!