My relationship with 'the one'

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
My relationship with 'the one'
1
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 10:35pm

So he may not be 'the one' but he is definately *something* special to me - whether or not it is special, may very well be decided in the coming months. Ok, so where shall I start? I guess it is best to start at the begining.

(I apologize in advance if this is utterly confusing...I don't want to use any names. Guy #1 is not my first boyfriend, but this is where the situation started.)

I found two guys online and started 'dating' them both at roughly the same time around three or four years ago. They knew about each other, and I was not committed to either of them. I probably 'dated' them each for a maximum of two to three months. On new years eve, guy #1 asked me to be his girlfiend. I accepted. Of course guy #2 was heartbroken, and claimed to have fallen in love with me (we weren't actually in a relationship so I was kinda stumped at that one. I mean, I did like him a LOT - he had a fire, a passion within him) but I had made a decision.

A year and a half later I break up with guy #1. I move out into an apartment, and start dating another guy (let's say #3). Nothing serious, he was kinda like a rebound guy and knew it. Enter guy #2 back into my life again, to lure me away (essentially, but not. I really REALLY liked guy #2 for whatever reason I can't tell, even now) from the current boyfriend (#3) at the time. I broke up with the current boyfriend, and very briefly dated guy #2 again (a week at most). I think I got uberscared of what I was doing, and because of this I went back to the current boyfriend (#3). I burned this guy AGAIN. I swear, I would never talk to me again if someone did this to me, so I didn't blame him for proclaiming he would never think about me again!

Ok, fast forward time again. I broke up with guy #3, who was then living with me at the time (let's just say the nature of my job literally has me away from home HALF THE MONTH. This guy still expected me to clean the entire apartment...And him do nothing. Riiight). Anyways. I have my apartment to MYSELF! WHOO HOO! I get online a dating personals website, and meet guy #4. He's much (on the computer screen) like my guy #2. I start to date him. Then I find guy #2's myspace profile (die, myspace, die!). I try to email him nicely and tell him that words cannot describe how sorry I am...And that if he could ever forgive me, and ever wanted to at least try to be friends again, I am open for it. Nothing more, nothing less than that was said. It turned into an online journal flaming war heh betwene me and #2 -_-; It would stand to reason we hate each other's guts, right?

Ok so I just broke up with guy #4 because basically he moved into my apartment while I was away on a work trip, and while I thought in my niiavity (sp?) everything would turn out ok, it didn't. In my opinion we just weren't meant for each other. No common interests, whatever, I broke up with him, he's gone, I'm feeling separation/living alone type of anxiety, but I'm a strong individual and will cope.

Now, FINALLY, is my present situation. I hope the above wasn't too hard to understand :\

Somehow, me posting on my myspace blog/journal thing as a sign to guy #2 - saying basically - if you want to be my friend again, I am all for it. You know who I am talking to. And he SO did know I was talking to him...Because he emailed me...And APOLOGIZED. While there was mistakes made on both our sides, he realized how selfish he was being and admitted to still caring for and loving me.

This floored me. It was totally unexpected! I've been thinking of NO ON else lately. The cycles we've gone through almost make me believe we could be soul mates, or at least have some heavy karmic debt owed towards each other, you know? (Hence why I wasn't sure where to post this post...haha! I may just put it into the 'soul mates' catagory anyways, see what other advice I get...).

And through our limited email conversations thus far, he is totally willing to see me again. First as friends, and I don't even know when that will start. I definately want to take anything we do slowly...But I can't tell you how thrilled I am that this situation has turned around like this, between him and I. We are opposites in so many ways but he is the only one I've had that spark/chemistry with. Why did I NOT stay with him??

Only time will tell...And I will try to update on the situation. I'm not sure many people have ever experienced such a thing before with another person, and of course many details are lost to me because the situation is so long and drawn out.

It will definately be nice to have a real chance with this guy again...With no one to come between us (at least, this time, on my side). If something happens, though...I will take it in stride. I can definately understand if he has reservations about it yanno?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 8:45am

It seems like orginally #2 was assuming a lot of things in the relationship that you two had, and really didn't put forth an effort to be verbal about things until after you went with #1.

Granted that if two people are meant to be together then they will be. But it seems like you are settling for someone who's paying attention to you. This guy has been "hurt" by you several times, and yet he still goes back, and you welcome him back in. This guy seems to be a little immature from the things you have described. However you mentioned that you met him 3-4 years ago online, but you only were with them both for a few months. So since you two are now talking, I would say to try and get to know him better as a friend. Now I don't know how ur relationship with him was...whether it be sexual or not...it may be hard to revert back to something such as friends. But if it wasn't you may have a better time with that. I would really get to know him as a person first before getting into anything further, and possibly hurting this guy again.

For me I have come across some guys and still have that spark after time has passed. But being someone's soulmate, that's a different story. I was with my ex for almost 4 years, and in the time that we have been broken up, we still love each other, and he still has feelings for me, yet we both know that we can't be together at this time in our lives. We have had our fights in the past few weeks, but we have also come back together knowing that we have the same feelings for each other and are going through roughly the same stuff (post-breakup). I did leave the thought to him that if we are meant to be we will be, but for right now I want to go out and see other people.

Your soulmate is the person who will maximize your soulmate ratio and vice versa. Your soulmate is your equal and someone who will give the same amount to you as you give to him. Plus think about it this way, would you rather be with someone that is at the same point in their lives as you are, has the same goals/dreams for a family/relationship. It's a LOT easier to be with someone that's on the same level, than it is to have someone that doesn't know what they want, or doesn't have their life/priorities in order. It just makes it more difficult for you. Only time will tell...good luck!