When To Ask About Divorce...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
When To Ask About Divorce...
2
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 7:29pm
I recently started dating a guy...I'm 25 and he's 32. We are both single parents and just looking to go out and have a good time and get to know each other. I know that he is recently divorced (he seperated from his wife this past August and the divorce was final in November). I am curious to know the reason why they got divorced, but have not asked thus far (we've only been on two dates). When is the appropriate time to ask? Thank you for any feedback!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 7:14am

Marie,

Have you ever tried opening up a light converstation about your past with him? Sometimes thats the best place to start, and maybe then you can ask him what happened to cause your marriage to end?

I have found in the men that I have dated that they are willing to talk about it early on, though details may be sketchy. My guy was vague at first but as we grew closer he revealed more and more to me about it.

Just remember that no matter what he tells you, there are two sides to a story, and that we all make mistakes, some more than than others. Or as I tell my ex husband, I made some, but your affair was so much more than my little mistakes. So I broke it down one day and I accepted 30 percent of the blame but handed him the other 70!!! LOL

Try starting a light converstaion, offer something up to him first and he may just begin to offer something back! Good luck and take care!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2005
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 5:06pm

The appropriate time to ask is definitely not after just two dates. It takes a long time to get to know someone, and you are at the casual dating stage at this point. Give it some time...it can take up to 5 years to completely get over, and heal from a broken marriage. Just enjoy each other now and have a good time. If, and when, the two of you begin to have strong feelings for each other, you will both know when the time is right to reveal the reasons for both of your divorces.

All that being said, remember that your story, and his story, are just one side of what happened. Your ex, and his ex, have their opinions too.

And too, you have no idea if he is ready to get serious about anyone yet, don't push him, just enjoy him.