Confused...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Confused...
2
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 11:29am

I started dating a friend a while back, but for the wrong reason. I dated him because I was alone at the time, but I didn't really like him (or dislike him) in that romantic way. He asked me out and I just said yes. Over the months, he has shown me that he is such a sweet person and I've grown accustomed to him. I can't say I love him, but it would be very sad to be part from him at the same time. I don't know how to proceed with this relationship. I don't know if I'm comfortable with him because he was a friend or because we have a true relationship. I never had that butterfly in my stomach feeling with him and I never had sweaty palm seeing him. I know these are feelings at the beginning of a relationship and maybe since I already know him as a friend, I've already bypassed all that stages?

Am I lying to myself and him if I continue with this relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
In reply to: jenc86
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 11:55am
Then just tell him that you don't want to continue dating him, and just want to be friends. It wouldn't be fair to you or him with you to continue this RL. It's best if you follow your gut and just tell him that you don't have any interest. You would be lying to yourself if you continued with someone just to HAVE someone in your life, and not feel like you are alone.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jenc86
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 12:04pm

I think it's entirely possible to love (or be falling in love with) someone and not have the butterflies and sweaty palms (that's not love, btw, usually, it's infatuation).

But of course that doesn't necessarily mean this guy is right for you, either. It sounds like you need to do some soul searching about whether you really want HIM in your life (as opposed to having *someone*).

You might find it useful to work with a counselor to help you sort out your feelings for this man.

Sheri