Dating older men...
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| Fri, 05-19-2006 - 10:43am |
Hey all! I've met a great guy through mutual friends about 2-3 months ago. We're all friends, hang out on the weekends and things have been pretty casual until recently. I'm turning 25 in a few months and according to his friend (I feel rude at this point asking how old he is) the guy, Jack, is 36.
Jack and I have been getting a bit closer lately and he's expressed obvious interest in me. My problem is that he is 11 years older than me. I've always had an aversion to men that are anywhere from 5+ years older than me - I don't really have an explanation for it. Jack is a great guy, I honestly enjoy being around him, but I start to think about his age and whether or not I am physically attracted to him (I have slept over his house a couple times..now I feel like I've led him on) and I start to freak out. This happened before when I was 22 dating a 32 year-old. I tried to forget about his age, but in the end I stopped talking to him because I just couldn't get over it.
Does anyone else have this issue? I'm wondering if there's some way I can slowly get over this. I'm also questioning myself because I have a hard time getting close to someone. I've had relationships here and there, but never anything serious or lasting more than a month. I'm feeling so much anxiety over this situation and wonder if I'm using the age thing as an excuse. I don't want to cut him out of my life, but I'm not sure if a romantic relationship is what I want with him - I don't want him to hate me.
Anyone have some words of wisdom? I'm just feeling really confused right now and appreciate anything anyone has to say. Thanks!

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ekdubbs...
Pianoguy suggests that you HONESTLY ASK YOURSELF if the 11-year age difference makes you uncomfortable?
If it does...END THINGS NOW! If it doesn't...MOVE FORWARD & SEE HOW THINGS TURN OUT?
You already know that you'll get 'teased' by friends, family and co-workers about the age difference. But if having a loving, caring, permanent soulmate is MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU than a collection of "catcalls and teases"----IGNORE THEM!
Instead...go with your gut and permit the relationship between you to GROW!
Pianoguy
i am dating a guy that is 7 yrs older, i usually have dated guys younger... i'm 39, he's 46...
i just wanted 2 sai this...
sex is sex, one way or the other... but eventually sex is Just sex... what u really need 2 find is somebody that u like to hang out with.. somebody who makes u laugh... somebody who is easy 2 talk to especially when times are Crazy...
but i understand too, that u r young and wanting the physical thing a lot... i still do at my age... LOL...
i'm just thinking that n the longrun... the Man is what is important... not how well he performs !!!
You say you don't know why you have this aversion to older men. You do know--you just have to look deep within yourself and figure out why (peer pressure, popular media, family history, etc...). Only then can you examine this way of thinking, discard it, and feel free to move forward with this guy, if that is what you want. While it's good to have standards, when you're too rigid with your criteria you risk missing out on a potentially wonderful relationship or friendship. I used to also think I could never date anyone more than 2 or 3 years older than me. Then I met my boyfriend, who is 6 years older and I got over it. I realized I was being so arbitrary and silly because in the end, it's not about the age of the person you're dating (unless you get into issues of being from different generations) but the person you're with.
This is an opportunity for growth so I would say embrace it, don't shy away from it. Examine your thinking closely and decide how important this age thing is for you and how much you will let it dictate your choices in dating and relationship.
ekdubbs...
Your behavior was wise and very mature. PG gives you a "thumbs up!"
But try to remember that not every "mature male" on this planet behaves in a similar manner. Some of us are actually very flattered to have a 'younger woman' (like yourself) in our lives!
Pianoguy
goddess_pammie67...
Assuming you don't wish to go through the "birthing process" another time, Pianoguy would like to ask you a question?
"If this man wants children so badly, would you agree to the idea of adopting one or two?" This way the stress would be off YOU (as well as your body)!
As for "coming on like your Father"----the 2 of you better FIX this problem NOW! Simply because things will only get worse!
Keep in mind that the 2 of you are supposed to have a 'couple relationship'----not a "Dad and his daughter" thing!
Pianoguy
You do not know the entire situation to say that I am "running hot and cold". I was still talking to him almost daily and seeing him. Never once did I say that I was putting things on hold while I posted for advice. I've learned my lesson from previous situations by running away and made it a goal for myself not to do that again.
I find your comment rude and unwelcomed.
Edited 5/25/2006 2:48 pm ET by ekdubbs
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