could this still work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2006
could this still work?
3
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 9:14pm

ok a little history. after casually dating and 2 meaningful relationships between 19 and 23(i am a guy) i finally met a girl that had everything i wanted in a person. i met her at work. when we started dating it was rough because we both tended to flirt with others and word would get back around to the other person. i am the type of guy who is well rounded, attractive, physically fit, into culture, smart, college degree, likes to travel and very ambitious. she is too so thats what drew us together. however she ended things with me for various reasons and dated somebody that was a bartender his whole life, been to jail twice and a drug dealer and cant leave the country. i was pissed

then we talked and got back together about 2 months later and things were really well because we didnt work together. plus we also knew that there was more between us than we realized. however because of what happened the first time around i was sketchy but still wantedn to try. but the way i treated her wasnt as good. i would go 3-4 days without calling her, shoot down any idea she had that invovled something for us to do, blow up if she brought up something that i was doing if it bothered her and other stupid stuff. then after a bad week i broke up with her.

its been a month now and i have wanted to try to work things out again and talk. we both love to do the same things, we both have similar goals in life, we come from strong families and we want the same things in life. all of this aside from some amazing bedroom chemistry makes me wonder why we arent together.

she is seeing somebody and wont sit and talk to me because it would be unfair to him and me because this guy is treating her like i treated her the first time around and she wants to make it work with him...even though she said that if her and i talked she would want to get back together again. all of this plus we tell each other that we love the other person and we mean it.

what should i do? she has everything i want in a person and i dont want to look any further when i am with her and she felt the same way too. any advice? thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 11:29pm
Well, this answer may not be the one you'd like to hear, but honey you blew it and now you regret it. Did you treat her badly the second time you dated because you resented the fact that she broke it up with you the first time or else? I don't get it, if you "loved" her why treated her "not so good"? After the second break up she moved on and has dated a few guys, not the right ones by your standards. You've not moved on and still think about "what could have been/it be". She's now found a person who loves her, although she has the "curiosity" to se if things work out with you because you keep on interfering in her life. She's involved now and it's not fair to her that you keep on trying to get back into her life. You want her, but she's not available. It's not going to work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 8:16am

navyblu...

PG hates to 'burst your bubble'----but until you change your attitude----your success with this (or any other woman for that matter) WILL PROBABLY BE VERY LIMITED!

Rather than pick apart the man (or men) your EX is currently dating...why not do a little 'self-examination work' on yourself instead? You seem to have a jealous, possessive, 'my way of the highway' attitude which you might want to modify---or LOSE COMPLETELY?

Why not work on the flaws...and give the lady of your dreams 2 or 3 months to get over her current boyfriend? If she does...you can give her (and your relationship) another try?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 9:22pm

I think the only thing to do is to let time take its course.

She is giving things a try with her current boyfriend, and you need to respect that. You should use the time to focus on other areas of your life, as well as try to date other people.

If there comes a time when she and her current boyfriend break up and you are also not committed to anyone, then you two can talk and try to give it a go then.

But until that time, respect her by respecting her wishes.

Best of luck!