When do I walk away?? When Love Hurts??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2006
When do I walk away?? When Love Hurts??
2
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 8:06am

I have been seeing M casually for a few months and I have fallen in love with him. M is 29 and been hurt really badly by his X who has told him she wont let him see his kids if he starts seeing another girl. He told me he never wants a girlfriend again and I know this is the truth not a lie to keep me away. We get along so well and are great together. We don't just have sex it is so much more.

I told him I like him and he said he will never change but later that night in bed he started kissing me told me he shouldn't be doing this but he couldn't stop himself. He told me he didn't want to hurt me and that he was confused. When i asked him what he was confused about he told me "I already knew" and wouldn't explain further. I figured this was in relation to how he feels about me. He didn't have a reason to lie to me, so I know he was telling me the truth. He is the type of guy that will be honest when he needs to be. He tells it like it is sometimes when i really don't want to hear it. I told him I was confused by his actions and wasn't sure if he really wanted to see me or speak to me. He said he understood so the next morning he asked me to come and have a drink with him at the club that night and if he didn't want to speak to me "I would know".

We don't really speak often only when we see each other and only on weekends. He never calls me or messages me and I only contact him on average once a week.

After our chat i saw him the next day and he left the club without even saying goodbye to me and was rude to me when I called him. I love him so much but I am not sure if I should leave him alone or chase him. That night i drank too much and called him about 20 times (i don't even remember calling him).

He has a lot of baggage and doesn't like himself very much but he opens up to me more than anyone else in the world. (i know this cause my friend is related to him). I managed to really get to him that night and we spoke for hours about some of his problems. When i told him how I felt he kept asking what was so special about him? He spent that night hugging and kissing me and rubbing my hair and looking into my eyes.

I am not sure if he is running away from me because of how he feels or if he really wants me to leave him alone. I can't tell him I love him or he would run away. I want to be honest and tell him everything but i am not sure i have the streght to just leave things alone. Sometimes I think it is better to have him the way he is rather than lose him completly!!

I don't believe he is trying to hurt me I just don't know what he wants from me or how to deal with it.

If you have any advice or comments please let me know, I am pretty desperate for some help!!! I don't know the right way to go about this. It hurts not knowing!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 9:00am

>>I don't believe he is trying to hurt me I just don't know what he wants from me or how to deal with it.<<

He's already told you the answer. "he doesn't want a girlfriend". I would imagine that what he does want from you is sex and a bit of company. But nothing more.

Given that he's not interested in having you as a girlfriend and has enough baggage to sink a ship, you would be wise to walk away now. No more sex, no more chats. Tell him that if/when he's ready for a proper relationship he can call you.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 12:20pm
Because love is hurting you badly now, it's time for you to walk away now. You've fallen in love with a man who cannot give you what you want. You're fooling yourself into "we don't have just sex, it's so much more". Hon, he doesn't call you, you never see each other but on the weekends and it's to have sex, he gets mad and is rude when you call him. Why do you think this is? ....He does not want any strings attached due to his ex threatening him with not seeing his children if he ever gets a GF. That's sick itself and he should not give into that, but that's another story. He says cannot stop himself from touching you because it's the only thing he can get out of the deal you both have: sex. He knows it's wrong of him to do it and he's told you that, but since you keep on coming he'll do it. You're a willing party. He's not going to have a GF and he's told you that. You just don't want to hear it. The longer you stay with M the longer and stronger it's going to hurt. It's hard, but sooner or later you'll realize that the deal is not going to change. Waiting to see if he changes will only bring you more pain.