Is he really into me?
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| Tue, 05-23-2006 - 9:05pm |
I've known this guy, W, for 7 years. We dated back when we first met and had a really good relationship. Despite the fact that we both loved each other, it was the wrong time for both of us so we went our seperate ways.
About a year ago I was in a really toxic relationship and struggling to keep it alive, when he came back into the picture again. He was my rock during all of it, taking teary phone calls from me at 3 in the morning, coming over to let me rant and rave, and I really appreciated it. Once it became clear that my then relationship was going nowhere I went through a really horrible breakup. My ex broke into my house and was doing all sorts of nasty and unstable things, and during it all W was there to help me through it, coming over to sleep on my couch so I'd feel safer and lending me the money to get all my locks changed and a security system.
This past fall, we started seeing each other in another light. Going on dates, cuddling and watching movies and then getting intimate. It was wonderful... things were going so wonderfully. He even took me furniture shopping to fully outfit his new condo, because he 'wanted my input'. Then in January of this year, I told him I still loved him and he couldn't reciprocate. I didn't understand.. he used to love me, and everything he was doing told me he did love me, but he told me he just wasn't sure. He works out of town a lot and told my roommate that he cares about me too much to have me waiting for him all summer when he's gone for a month at a time. My roommate tried to explain that I'd rather be waiting for him, then to not have him in my life, but he decided to call it quits. I was devastated.
Then a month ago he was back in town from work and we started hanging out, going out for dinner and talking a lot, but no intimacy. He's been out at work for a month now and sends me upwards of 10 emails a day telling me I'm beautiful, how he misses me and can't wait to see me again and planning the couples Salsa class we've always been talking about taking. He's also getting out early just so he can be here for me the day I have to put my old dog down.
I still love this man with all my heart, and it sounds like he's in about the same place, but I'm so unsure. I laid it all out on the line for him once before and I got shot down.. should I take the chance again?

Is this job traveling a constant or something that is temporary that he will begin staying home more often? Because, if is temporary traveling for now then I’d hold off until he is finish with that. If traveling is a constant then I would bring up the subject of LDR to see how he feels about them and explain how you feel about them. Then allow that to soak in and over a couple of his trips see how that goes.
Well, I agree that your friend is sending you lots of mixed messages. Sending 10 emails a day is going way overboard, especially when he KNOWS how you feel about him.
But it doesn't change the fact that he hasn't said he is "in love" with you or that he wants to be committed to you. It sounds like he just doesn't feel THAT way about you. If he wanted that kind of relationship, he would be clear about it.
You have to decide for yourself if you can continue to be a friend while you are carrying a big torch for this man. That's usually not a healthy situation to be in. It's great that you'll have his support when the time comes to put your dog to sleep (my condolences, btw) But after that, I think you need to think about distancing yourself. Maybe it's time to find new friends, or lean on other friends or family members where there isn't a romantic conflict.
I wish you well and much healing.