Bf needs to grow up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Bf needs to grow up.
2
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 8:17am

Hello, I'm new to this board and I could sure use some advice.

First of all, I'm 28, my bf is 23. We've been together 10 months and overall we have a wonderful r'ship. He's my best friend, and we plan on getting married someday.

Here's where I have some issues with him. Yes, even though he's 5 years younger, for the most part it hasn't mattered. But over the last couple of months, I've been starting to think more about the future. First, I'd like us to move in together someday soon...and yes, get married and have kids in a few years. He's made it very clear he wants to get married, but I don't see him actually planning or working towards that goal. He still lives with his parents, so he has no responsibilities. I love his parents to death, and they love me. But geez do they spoil him. His mom works at the bank so she takes care of all his finances. She does his laundry, packs his lunch, etc. He has no bills beside his cell phone. So he's pretty much clear and free of any adult responisibilities besides his job.

I've talked to him about us moving in together. My roommate took a new job and is moving out in a few months. He says he'd like to live together, but doesn't think he can afford it (um, we make almost the same $). Basically what I get from it is he has fun with his parents, his mom does everything for him, plus it's free rent, so why would he move out? And no, it's not so he can save any money. He spends every paycheck on his other activities, softball/fishing/golf/DRINKING.

So this past few weeks I haven't said a word about him moving in. I'm looking for a cheap one bedroom apt and he can live at home and have no worries cause they take care of everything for him. What I don't understand is he knows where I stand, he knows I'm older and I want to start making plans. Why wouldn't he grow up a little? Why wouldn't his parents encourage him to move out, take care of himself, etc????

I don't want to break up with him, I love him very much. So what can I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 9:23am

I am sorry but there isn’t anything you can do but either accept this or move on. He sees no reason to move and I doubt he will anytime soon. You just have to chalk this up to him not being ready.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 11:23pm

kwhere,

It is obvious that you are both at different stages of your life. It's not that he needs to grow up, it's that you need to accept and recognise that he is acting his age. I would suggest that you do not move in him because I see that as a backward step in him making a firm commitment to marry you.

Feisty