why is it so important
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why is it so important
| Mon, 05-29-2006 - 9:34pm |
that when me and boyfriend are together in bed that I have to have a good time (if you know what I mean) I am totally happy pleasing him and I am not concerned about myself.. I get totally turned on by him getting off but when it comes to me I am so insecure and have trust issue that it really doesn't bother me. he tells me he wants to have that with me, I just keep on telling him to give me time. why would he care so much about that? I know that sounds dumb but I won't know until I ask.

Why would he care so much that you enjoy sexual intimacy with him by climaxing yourself? I can't imagine... maybe it's because he cares about you and wants to give you something instead of him receiving it all the time? You say you get turned on just by watching him climax... so why on earth wouldn't he get turned on by and enjoy watching YOU climax as well?
You say that you are insecure and have trust issues... well obviously if he cares about you, he wants to you trust him and be comfortable with him.
But you can't force being comfortable with him... if you're not ready then you're not ready and you should wait until you are. But it's not difficult to understand why he wants to make you climax as well.
Genealogical Musings
learningtotrust...
First...Pianoguy likes your ivillage user name. It's a great description of so many of us who want to 'try again and make things work' with a partner.
An EX/GF once told me that it takes some women a lot longer to r-e-l-a-x...even if they completely trust the man they're in bed with? Perhaps this is what you're experiencing?
Opening up your heart and completely letting your guard down might be a little difficult for you...but the more you do this, the easier things become! Remember...this is the man you've chosen to love above all others! He gets plenty of pleasure from you and wants to reciprocate in a similar manner.
So next time the 2 of you are together....why not let him make ALL THE MOVES first while you relax and savor every one of them?
Men want to love (and please) their women....and we count on you to let us show you just how much!
Pianoguy
Learningtotrust, I can see where your guy is coming from. At the same time, he needs to respect your time-table -- and I hope he's not pressuring you. If he IS pressuring you to match his "pace" of opening up in this sense, that is a reflection of him and not you. I don't know how long you've been with him, but let's face it, the stakes are high in a serious commitment ... it's natural to be a little hesitant with opening up completely. The best you can do is communicate where you're coming from with this. In my experience, some men feel insecure if a woman doesn't climax with them, as if it is a direct slap in the face to their manhood. The fact is, lots of women don't climax during intercourse, or it takes them a very long time to do so. And some of these are women who don't have significant trust issues. Women are just designed differently. A man who is secure in himself will listen to where you're coming from and you can help each other through the situation. Communication is key.
hang in there,
carriebgirl
Your man wants to know that he is capable of getting you to climax. Guys want to feel like their the best in bed. Better than any other guy in the whole wide world! They feel insecure when they start thinking one of the following:
1) "Maybe she doesn't find me attractive enough?"
2) "Maybe I am not as good as or better than her exes BF's?"
3) "Maybe she would rather be with them?"
4) "What am I doing wrong? All my other girlfriends liked it?"
And so on...
My advice is to take your time on opening up. If your BF gets insecure just tell him you need more time but reiterate that what ever he is thinking is not the case. Make sure he understands the problem lies with you...not him!
Good luck learning to trust! :)
Bmoreflygirl