am i fooling myself...?
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| Sun, 06-04-2006 - 11:05pm |
Background: My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year 4 months. We're both finishing up our sophomore year in college: he's 21, i'm 20. My longest relationship before dating him was for 5 months, so this is a huge step. He is the first person I ever said I loved, first person I allowed myself to become close to, first person I had sex with. And he is incredibly in love with me. He takes me out to dinner, buys me flowers, reads anything i write (i'm an english major), walks with me, runs with me, jokes with me, lets me have girl nights, lets me flirt with guys, doesn't get jealous...yeah i know, he sounds perfect, and that's the problem.
January 5 we broke up. We ended up getting back together after a month or so. I just felt so tied down. I'm a VERY independent person. I'm not gonna lie, I like flirting with guys, i like not having to check in, i've never been a relationship kind of girl. But i missed him and i DO have feelings for him. At least I think...Lately, I just haven't felt like that 'magic.' I don't say 'i love you' to him anymore, i haven't since we got back together. I just am not 100% if i DO love him, and i don't want to say it if i don't. we don't have sex anymore, and really I never feel like doing stuff, sometimes not even kissing. I don't get that 'butterflies in my stomach' feeling about him. I find myself getting irritated with all these tiny things. Sometimes he just acts immature and like a little kid which really gets to me, because i like when guys act strong and powerful. And so I'm sure you are saying, 'then break up with the guy!' but for some reason i can't! am i just fooling myself? Is it obvious that there is nothing here anymore, and i'm just holding onto this guy because i feel like i SHOULD like him? Or is the fact that we live next door to eachother (finally in a few weeks we'll be moving so we'll have more space) simply taking its toll?
I just do'nt know what to do. i feel like i'm not being fair, and i should break up with him. but i'm scared to, scared that i'll be making the biggest mistkae of my life. is it normal for the magic to leave the relationship?
i know this is long, but i'd appreciate ANY feedback!! anything about what happens when you date for a long time to specific answers...thank you soo much.

Have you talked to him about it? The issues you have with him and ther relationship? He's a willing participant in the relationship and might be wondering "what has happened? why is she so bi#@hy? why aren't we having sex anymore? Are you terrified of breaking up with him because you might never find someone who loves you like he does? Or is because you want your cake and eat it too? You're being very selfish and you want to justify your actions by thinking that "you can't break it off". You CAN break it off, the thing is that you DON'T want to.
I'd recommend to be honest. The guy should know that you don't love him the way you once did. He deserves to find someone who really cares and loves him. If you once cared for him and loved him, set him free....