I hate dating!
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| Tue, 06-06-2006 - 1:41pm |
I guess I am mostly just venting here, but any advise/input is appreciated. Just last night I had a 3rd date with a guy who I really thought was going to be something special. I broke up with my ex in January and since then I have been on MANY bad dates with a bunch of different people. I met this guy, Joe, a few weeks ago and we went for drinks. It was really fun. Then the next weekend he took me out on the most romantic date I have ever been on; a fancy dinner downtown followed by drinks. And then there was last night. The date was really good, I thought. We talked, he was very much a gentleman, opening doors, holding hands, that sort of stuff. Then I made the mistake of inviting him in. I guess things got out of hand, and now I'm worrying. I usually don't do anything like this, but I slipped up because I find him so attractive.
I just wish I knew if he was going to call, if he wanted a relationship or just a fling, if he was seeing other people. I asked him some of these questions yesterday, but I really didn't get very satisfying answers. I guess, based on what he said he isn't seeing anyone else, but I just don't have a very good feeling right now. I also asked when I was going to see him again, and at first I got this genaric "I'm not sure, I'm really busy" answer, but then a minute or so later he said he thinks he is free on Sunday. So that is a good sign, right?
Argh, I guess I'm just mad at myself for letting my guard down more than anything. I told myself I would never wind up in a position like this, yet here I am. I really don't know why I am worrying so much... I feel very disallusioned after yesterday. I guess it is actually a good thing that I'm not expecting anything now, but darn, it is still disapointing.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent! I really hate this dating roller coaster!

Oh, I think we've all been there, done that and regretted it, but we've all lived through it, too!!! I'm sure you realize that all that insecurity and uncertainty you're feeling now is part of why it's a good idea to wait to get physical until you know the person better, so I'm not going to belabor that...what you need to do is accept that you made the choice to do so, so you need to live with the emotions that has caused. Not in a "beat yourself up" way, but in a matter of fact, ok, these feelings are the consequences of my actions so I'm going to just deal with them kind of way.
It's out of your hands now, so there's no use worrying about it...what will be, will be. He'll either call, or he won't...worrying about it won't change that.
And if things don't work out with this guy, hopefully you'll remember how you feel right now the next time this type of situation comes up and it will influence the choices you make.
Sheri
Hey, try not to sweat it.
You've done what we all do, you started investing emotionally too quickly and allowing self-doubt to creep in. It takes practice to stop doing, but if you can keep those things at bay you cna learn to enjoy dating. At least I did.
The trick isn't so much keeping your guard up as building great self-esteem and letting your guard down. Have faith that your a great person who is going to find the right guy, but you have to get through a lot of wrong guys first. Sometimes you'll decide there wont be another date and sometimes the guy will.
The key is be YOURSELF, let your guard down. That way if a guy likes you he likes you for you and if he doesn't then you know he just wasn't the one for you. You know this because you weren't "acting". You weren't trying to please him, you were just being you and you weren't right for him and one of the guys that is right for you is still out there hoping to find you. You know this because it is NEVER "wrong" to be yourself.
Some guys are going to like you for you and some aren't. The sooner you can accept that and not think that some guy not liking you means there is something "wrong" with you or that you did something "wrong" the sooner you'll be able to relax and enjoy dating.
nikitakolata...
PG's 2 cents:
It doesn't take a dating counsellor to tell you that anytime a man or woman lets someone new into his or her life...there's always the risk of success or failure.
A lot of changes can occur during the course of 3-months. What might start off very promising can dissolve in seconds....based on a remark, an action, or even poor hygiene!
.
Anyway...if you invite somebody new "inside" after he kisses you GOODNIGHT...you've made the choice and have to accept the consequences. This includes limited communication or no communication at all!
Try to remember one thing....PLEASE???
Most men aren't going to commit themselves TO ANY WOMAN until they're absolutely, positively sure they want to relinquish their freedom to date others. Because the moment we tell you that you're EXCLUSIVE.......you'll NEVER let us forget it!
Pianoguy
Just an update... Joe and I have plans for the weekend. I still don't feel good about what happened really, but better that at least he's still asking me to go out.
I don't know what is going to happen, but I guess I just don't care as much either. I wish things would work out how I want them to, but if they don't it just means he isn't the right person for me.
So that's the update. I need a break from dating...