Should I say something or stay out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Should I say something or stay out?
4
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 6:03pm

Let me start this by saying that a large personal area of interest of mine is what factors that are present before marriage will predict whether or not a couple will divorce. I try to read all of the literature out there on a topic.

Well, a friend of a friend recently got engaged. I've never even met or spoken to the girl although I read her livejournal. Anyway, one, the girl is in a rush to marry the guy after only knowing him a few months and not for any practical reasons. Plus, two, apparently there relationship has always been rocky and whenever they try to discuss issues, they only end up really frustrated at one another. Usually when either of these factors are present by themselves, the odds are really against a marriage working. When you have both combined the outlook is really grim. I don't think the girl in question realizes this.

I am SOOO tempted to send her an e-mail maybe showing some of the articles I have read, but I also keep thinking it's probably not a good idea.

Pros:
-If she knows this infromation and takes it to heart, it would save her A LOT of heartache down the line.
-I know a couple of her friends think she is making a big mistake as well, and I wouldn't be surprised if they were glad that somebody had shown her articles that are actual studies that show this.

Cons:
-She's not going to like what she sees in the article.
-She may ignore the advice anyway.
-It's really none of my business since I don't know her.
-It may end up hurting some of the people who are her friends if she starts to suspect that they put me up to this, or that they are talking about her behind her back (although they really haven't said a whole lot).

What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2006
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 6:09pm

Bottom line, she's a "friend" but she's not a friend. You gotta let her learn for herself. I think if you say to her, "Hey congratulations on your relationship, what are your plans? Want any input from me?" you 've opened the door to possibly sending her some articles to consider.

But my brother married a girl who was wrong, and you know, we had to let it happen b/c he was too convinced she was right for him to ever properly hear or understand why she wasn't...tread lightly. She may very well take your input as presumptuous and kill your "friendship"...or whatever it is you two have.

David
www.BeBetterGuys.com
The Guy's Guide to Getting a Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 6:12pm

I see where you're coming from ... it does seem like she's not at all on solid ground to be getting married. If you were a close friend of hers I'd say go ahead and talk to her about it, show her the articles. But since she's not a friend, I think you would be overstepping your bounds by bringing this up to her in any way. Even though you're coming from a good place and trying to help, she'll just see it as you getting into her business.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 9:26pm

Since she's not even your friend, rather a "friend of a friend" ... why not talk to your friend about it, offer your opinion, and see if she wants to talk to her about it. Or give your friend the articles to give to her friend. And then, trust your friend ... who knows her a lot better than you do (since you don't really know her at all) ... to say something to her on her own, if she thinks it's necessary.

Otherwise, sounds like its really none of your business. It's noble to be concerned, but she really shouldn't be of any concern to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 12:45pm

Well, my opinion is a bit different then what everyone else has posted. I agree with them but I also have a lot of friends of a friends. I talk a lot online and meet people from a friend’s blog and we become associates through either online occasional talk but nothing to consider them a friend yet. But, also this is how some of those friends of a friend have become close friends of mine because of what I have mentioned to them from reading their blogs and such.


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