need opnions....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2006
need opnions....
6
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 12:21pm
hey there. i really need some opnions about a situation me n my bf are going through right now. we have been dating for going on 6 months (our anniversary is actually the 29th of this month). what does it mean when a guy says he needs space? have u ever said it? what did u mean by it? what happened afterwards? does it mean hes going to break up with me? i have been cryin so much lately due to this situation. im just afraid that the first guy i truely love is about to end it. so any insight would be greatly appreciated.
-ohsoconfused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 12:37pm
Sorry, but "needing space" can mean a lot of things. We can go over all the what ifs but the real answer will have to come from him.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 6:09pm

I agree that that answer will have to come

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2006
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 11:03am
thanks for ur input! it was really a confusing situation. he called a day later and explained he was stressed about a lot of things, only one of them being me. i guess i understand why he needed space, but part of me feels like he didn't even realize how i felt when he asked for it. is it wrong of me to want him to understand? not to mention ever since this whole thing happened ive been questioning a lot of things. but most of all im questioning that fact that everything on his end is fine, we're good, no one is breaking up with anyone. but on my end, its different. im happy...but not as much as i was before. was it that i was on 'cloud nine' then and now i have come back to reality? i havent seen him in almost 3 weeks. the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other. mostly due to the fact that we live so far a apart. and with both of us working, it makes it even harder. again...need your opnions....what should i do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 6:32pm

there's nothing you can do except be patient and respect his request for space. try not to call him or contact him, but feel free to answer when/if he calls you. the ball is in his court if you've decided you want to be with him. if you don't, you can turn the 'break' into a 'break-up' and move on. you can ask him how long of a break he wants, but keep in mind he might not have an answer to that.

I know it's tough... my ex asked for a 'mental break.' have no clue what that means. i haven't asked him how long he needs to sort things out... i have decided to just move on. if he eventually calls and says he'd like to get back together, i'll see where i'm at in life, if i'm dating anyone, etc. and decide then. but for now, i'm treating it like a permanent break-up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 7:25pm
hey gurl whats goin on witchu im fine when he tells u that jus let him have some tyme to his self i mean u dont have to let him go jus give him tyme to come around to his sinces if u need me heres my email address lilbabygirlrenee@yahoo.com if u wanna chat some tyme hit me up on yahoo messenger same email thing well i got to go jus remember who u r dont change for no one trus ive been threw it and look at me now i got mine back but ok love u and stay up bye ~*~*~bossy~*~*~
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 9:31am

Hi,

Have you read the book "Mars/Venus on a date" by John Gray? It explains perfectly that it's normal for guys to want to pull away after intimacy (emotional or physical), to regroup themselves and find autonomy. They're like rubberband - they pull away every now and then but if we act appropriately (i.e. giving him the space he needs and not acting needy or clingy) then they will spring back eventually. It helps me understand male behaviors a lot better.

This forum might help you in the meantime.

http://www.marsvenus.com/forums/index.php?act=SF&s=9c733f4e5bee4bc7bd4bf7d237a4e52f&f=18

There are tons of women out there that are in similar situation. Apparently, it's very common among men. I don't think I agree completely with the advice given by the book that we should just allow them to "rubberband" whenever they feel like it, but I think understanding why it happens can be beneficial so you don't get so upset.