What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
What should I do?
4
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 12:50am
I have been with my boyfriend for the past year. He has left me once to get back with his ex girlfriend whom he dated for 6 years. I recently found out that he had been talking with her via email. I confronted the both of them and he admitted that he had been talking to her. I called her and confronted her about the situation, she said that she just wanted to be friends....I then found emails that she kept telling him how much she missed him and wanted to be back with him, but she knew that he was happy and that he should move on with his life...I forgave him and we continued on with our relationship until she called one day and told him that she had been sleeping with his old roommate whom is currently seperated from his wife. Ever since she has told him this he has taken his anger and frustration out on me....he still talks to her but tells me that he could never look at her the same way and that she has completely ruined their relationship. My question is should I sit around and wait for him to get over this hurt and anger with her or should I walk away and not look back....it has been really hard to walk away, buy I don't know what to do. I feel like he needs to go and see someone to get over this before he can move on with his life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 8:51am

I think your instincts are right. It appears he's far from over her, and you deserve someone that focuses on you--not his ex. It's not fair to put you through the emotional wringer as he tries to work out his issues with her. (Which is not to say that he doesn't care about you or doesn't want to be over her. But from what you wrote, he doesn't seem ready to give of himself fully again)

Have you sat him down quietly at a time you aren't mad/frustrated with each other and told him how his focusing on her makes you feel? What does he say?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 9:21am

ejproblem...

There's no ivillage profile on you so Pianoguy has to "guess" on this one? But here's the big question:

"IS THIS THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU'VE EVER HAD?"

If your answer is "yes"---then you'll have to make the choice of accepting the friendship or whatever it is that your b/f is having with the EX???

If your answer is "no"---then "have a little courage" (quoting the line from the Cowardly Lion in THE WIZARD OF OZ) to make some changes...and move forward! In other words, LIVE YOUR LIFE based upon WHAT YOU WANT...and not on the present or future actions of your bf and the woman he may (or may not) wish to be with!

I think you already know the answer, but if I helped you reach a decision...GREAT!

Good Luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2006
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 4:10pm

Your situation does seem a bit fishy, EJ. My ex had exclusively female friends, which was great because I never came second to a football game. But I was always worried that one of his friends would get too attached and throw herself at him.

Your bf's ex sounds like too much of a temptation for him. It's great for him to have good friends he can really talk to, but when that relationship interferes with the closeness he has with you it's a real issue. I think you two need to take a break; don't end it completely, but step back long enough for him to get his priorities straight. Only once he is clear about how he feels for her can he give you what you need and deserve.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 4:15pm
The ex is toxic. Why would she call him to tell him such a thing! She clearly wanted to hurt him. Heck.. she may have slept with the former roommate just so she could tell your bf that. Having said that, your bf is clearly not over his ex and still harbors a lot of feelings for her. You may want to go on a break until he can sort out his issues with her so that the two of you can move forward. It's not fair for him to take out his anger of her on you. If you choose to break up with him, you'd be perfectly justified. Just not sure it sounds like you want to do that.